Voila Jokes

How do you get two Viola players to play in tune?
Shoot one of them.

What's the definition of a minor 2nd?
Two Viola players playing in unison.

How do you know there's a group of Viola players at your door?
None of them can find the key: None of them knows where to come in.

What's the difference between a Viola and an onion?
Nobody cries when they chop up a Viola.

What's the difference between a Viola and a TV dinner?
The Viola doesn't fit in a Microwave oven. (Unless you break the neck off)

What's the difference between a Violin and a Viola?
A Viola burns longer.

What's the difference between a Viola player driving into town and a
plumber driving into town?
The plumber is going to a gig.

What's the difference between a dead Viola player lying in the road and a
dead Country Singer lying in the road.
The Country Singer was going to a record date.

What's the difference between a Viola and a lawnmower?
You can tune the lawnmower.

What's the difference between a Viola and a coffin?
With a coffin the dead person is inside.

What's the difference between a Viola and a trampoline?
You should take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a Viola and scraping your nails on a blackboard?
Vibrato.

What's the difference between a Viola player and a dressmaker?
The dressmaker gets paid to tuck up the frills: A Viola player ...
never mind

Why do Viola players keep their cases on their car dashboards?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from a Viola recital.

What do you get when you cross a Viola player with a roadie?
A Viola player with a gig.

Why is playing a Viola solo like wetting your pants?
Both give you a nice warm feeling while everybody moves away from you.

How can you make a Violin sound more like a Viola?
Miss a lot of notes.

How can you tell if a Viola is out of tune?
The bow is moving.

Why do Violin players double on Viola?
So they can get less work.

Why are Viola parts written in Alto Clef?
Harder to prove that wrong notes weren't copying errors.

Where did Alto Clef originate?
Bach took a bribe from a wealthy Viola player.

What's the range of a Viola?
35 yards if you've got a good arm.

What do you call someone who hangs around musicians a lot?
A Viola player.

Who makes the best Viola mutes?
Smith & Wesson.

When do Viola players usually replace their strings?
Right after they finish eating the CrackerJacks.

Why do symphony orchestras use so many Violas?
To make the custodial staff feel superior. Also helps the homeless problem.

What is the most common Viola tuning system for Western music?
Bad-tempered.

Definition of an optimist:
A Viola player with a beeper.

Why don't you see MIDI Violas being used in bands?
Mattel stopped making them.

What kind of microphone works best for Viola in a live band?
A cordless mini condenser with a dead battery.