He knows I am here and have offered help often. Sometimes I think an episode of acting out might be necessary to restore balance.

Norm resists all advice about how to go about living, even from someone who has "been there" when it comes to skating the edges. In such a case, what can one do? Depression is ultimately a form of self-indulgance and one can only learn that by too much experience with depressed people. For example - my neighbor is flaming out. I've seen it coming for months. When his lost his job because of his temper, he stupidly signed away his chance to get unemployment against my advice. Now he's broke and looking at the streets. I give him what money I can. This year alone I've invested at least $2500 in depressed people and in the end, all I am doing in enabling their self-indulgance. My ex-gf cost me untold thousands and lost years and at the end, she was worse than ever.

Note that temporary despair can happen to anyone who in under too much stress and suffers too much loss - everyone has a limit. But year-in, year-out depression is a sure sign of a narcissistic personality that, like a small baby, wants everything its own way and will not, cannot listen to adult advice. In such a case, I think the person really wants to know how to live self-sufficiently but cannot bear the tension of leaving the infantile state of dependence that goes with narcissism. So they "arrange" to lose jobs, houses, resources of all kinds in order to be thrown on their own devices apparently against their conscious will. The unconscious does what it can to break free. It can happen that the conscious will prevents it by suicide, the ultimate act of self-indulgance.

I am also quite convinced that the very worst thing for depression/narcissism is a system full of powerful psychoactive drugs. Getting drunk early and often would be a better solution than being a chemically induced emotional moron.

If this sounds hard-hearted, it isn't. I'm a complete sucker for any sob story and it has cost me dearly. But my experience is that the above is true. Depression and narcissism go hand in hand, and what the narcissist really needs is a kick in the pants and a fatherly admonition to wake up and smell the coffee. There are no guarantees in this world, and you get as much meaning from living as you put into it.

Again, if Norm is out there, you have my email and Boxer has my number. I'm here.

-drl

This is a damn sight different issue than the kind of year-in and out self-obsession that goes under the blanket term "depression". Of course physical ailments can cause behavioral changes.

-drl