Why I hate the Mac
File this under "Orion's Tall Tales and Legends"
It was 1986, my senior year in High School. I wanted to get a computer to use in college. My parents wanted to take me to several computer stores to see what they had, my evil sister wanted to tag along. So we went to a few stores, and then finally the Mac store. I did say my Sister was evil, right? Anyway she couldn't stand that something was getting more attention than her, and she also felt that I spent too much time in front of computers and it must have been too much for her to bare. My evil sister, she was evil remember, grabbed the Macintosh and took a swing at my head. She was into weightlifting and hockey and other stuff, so she was supernaturally strong, also evil. Anyway she broke the thing on my face and his me in the eye. The plastic shattered and shards of it got into my face and my eye. Then something happened. I must have been allergic to the toxins used in the plastic of the Mac case, because I swelled up to twice my normal size, as big as "Fat Albert". By the time the albulance came, I couldn't fit inside. They had to carry me on a special truck they used to move mobile homes, it was very embarissing. It took three months for the swelling to go down, and they had to call in a plastic surgeon to fix my face. I never got any dates to the Senior prom because of the way I looked after the accident happened. Of course the Police said it wasn't an accident and took my evil sister away. The judge got upset that he saw her in court so often, that he sent her to a mental institute for the criminally insane because she refused to take her medicine or take treatment. As a result I lost my sister, even if she was evil, she still was my sister. The whole event was so traumatic that our entire family got hypmotized to forget the whole thing happend or that I had a sister, but somehow I still retained the memories. Ever since I have had a deep hatred of the Mac, Apple, and Mac Users, at least on the subconscience level, I swear it isn't intentional. Anyway the toxins are still in my body and causing the illnesses that I am suffering from, the doctors say I may never be rid of them. Last I heard, my evil sister broke out of the institute and escaped to Canada where she plays Women's Hockey and gets her Tranquilizers and Pain Pills via Socilized Medicine, because she got hooked on them while in the institute. To this day, my faimly members do not remember me having a sister. Curse you Apple and the Macintosh for taking her away from me and cuasing me many medical illnesses and problems!
Oh wait, I really don't have a sister, evil one or not, no sister. Must be something else then.
Oh yeah, Mickey Mouse, who sometimes stands on my left shoulder, is telling me that "Mac Sucks, Steve Jobs is the AntiChrist!" and that I have the right to tick off Mac Users as much as possible. Mickey is over 50 years old and an American icon, I am always taught to respect my elders and Mickey has been a trusted friend to me ever since I was a child. If Mickey Mouse is saying it, then it must be true! :)
