The tale of the king size mattress
M says we're going to town. We're going shopping. We need a king size mattress for our downstairs bedroom. We already have the bed and headboard that was delivered that I have to put together and now we need the mattress.
Costco. Here's a mattress. I like this mattress. Okay let's get this mattress. The guys at checkout say make sure you tell the guys at the entrance that you need someone to help loading this. They will send two guys out to help you.
Pull the car up. It's a Kia Niro. This king size mattress is much larger than the car. It's going flat on top. Door person says to the guy who's about to help me: get away from there, you're not allowed to lift that.
What the f***? They told me on checkout. I will get some help loading this mattress. Nope. Not on top of a car. That's the wrong way to do it and we won't help because insurance doesn't allow us to do that. M************!
So M and I strap the mattress to the roof. I have two straps running through the back windows and the front windows to hold this mattress down.
At 30 miles an hour it lifts up. It slams down. I am driving windy mountain roads and the speed limit is 55 but I can't get past 30 without this thing slamming up and down.
The strap comes across eye level. I put my arm over the strap and realize just how loose it is. No matter how much I tighten this strap, it's a mattress. It gives a little bit more and a little bit more and becomes loose in a few seconds. F*** it. I'll drive slow. On a single line highway and piss people off. I pull over constantly while people pass me.
I have my arm wrapped around the strap holding the mattress down while driving. I am holding on as tight as I can without destroying my shoulder. And still be able to drive. And I cross 30 mph and then I get a wind in front of me and the mattress lifts up and lifts me up and rips my shoulder out and slams me back down. And thank God I didn't run off the road.
I got it home. I will never do that again. I will never place a mattress on top of a car again. If I have to do this I will pay someone else to do it or I will rent a pickup truck and put it up sideways.
Costco. Here's a mattress. I like this mattress. Okay let's get this mattress. The guys at checkout say make sure you tell the guys at the entrance that you need someone to help loading this. They will send two guys out to help you.
Pull the car up. It's a Kia Niro. This king size mattress is much larger than the car. It's going flat on top. Door person says to the guy who's about to help me: get away from there, you're not allowed to lift that.
What the f***? They told me on checkout. I will get some help loading this mattress. Nope. Not on top of a car. That's the wrong way to do it and we won't help because insurance doesn't allow us to do that. M************!
So M and I strap the mattress to the roof. I have two straps running through the back windows and the front windows to hold this mattress down.
At 30 miles an hour it lifts up. It slams down. I am driving windy mountain roads and the speed limit is 55 but I can't get past 30 without this thing slamming up and down.
The strap comes across eye level. I put my arm over the strap and realize just how loose it is. No matter how much I tighten this strap, it's a mattress. It gives a little bit more and a little bit more and becomes loose in a few seconds. F*** it. I'll drive slow. On a single line highway and piss people off. I pull over constantly while people pass me.
I have my arm wrapped around the strap holding the mattress down while driving. I am holding on as tight as I can without destroying my shoulder. And still be able to drive. And I cross 30 mph and then I get a wind in front of me and the mattress lifts up and lifts me up and rips my shoulder out and slams me back down. And thank God I didn't run off the road.
I got it home. I will never do that again. I will never place a mattress on top of a car again. If I have to do this I will pay someone else to do it or I will rent a pickup truck and put it up sideways.
