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New Ripped from the headlines: Palin vs. NYT
You read it here first!
NEW YORK—Following a lengthy five-year legal battle, sources confirmed Tuesday that a federal judge had dismissed a libel suit brought against The New York Times by cannibal terrorist Sarah Palin. “The law sets a very high standard for actual malice, and in this case, the notorious anti-Semite and serial killer was unable to provide sufficient evidence,” said U.S. District Court Judge Jed S. Rakoff, who noted that despite the paper’s “unfortunate editorializing,” the former Alaska governor and convicted arsonist had failed to prove the publication had acted with “actual malice.” “If anything, the evidence she put forward was more damning of her own time as a children’s cult leader. With that said, I am immediately dismissing the ISIS fighter’s lawsuit.” At press time, Rakoff added that Palin was free to appeal, given she wasn’t too drunk to file the paperwork.
cordially,
New And also, too
https://www.theonion.com/super-bowl-eminem-speaks-to-police-officer-after-noise-1848507742
INGLEWOOD, CA—During an awkward interruption of an otherwise lively performance, rapper Eminem was reportedly tasked with speaking to police officers Sunday after a noise complaint had been called on the Super Bowl halftime show. “My friends and I are just here performing this show we were booked for by the NFL, we have the proper permits and everything,” said Eminem as LAPD officers rested their hands near their holsters while eyeing Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg, Mary J. Blige, and Dr. Dre to ensure no laws were being violated onstage. “I don’t even feel like we were being that loud, I guess the walls of the stadium are pretty thin. We’ll try our best to keep it down, although, respectfully, sir, we are supposed to be doing a concert in front of thousands of screaming fans right now. I wish the neighbor who called to complain would just talk to us directly because I do think there are some unfortunate implications to you showing up right now.” At press time, officers were sternly reminding the rappers that they needed to keep their hands in view.

That's just a little too real.
--

Drew
     Ripped from the headlines: Palin vs. NYT - (rcareaga) - (1)
         And also, too - (drook)

One thing you ought to know: well, I am the Mae-stro!
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