I like the way this guy thinks
When I die, I want a closed casket funeral. However, towards the end of the service, please have the organist play "Pop Goes The Weasel" over and over, until everyone in attendance is staring at my coffin with mute, horrified anticipation.
Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.
- - - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" 1897