Full(ish) story to follow now that I have some closure.

Written from 2 weeks into it, with various edits later on:

A year ago M said: When this is over, how about we move to Colorado?

How could I not answer anything but: Yes!

Graduation was scheduled for 1st week of May. It should have been April. I was going to April graduation. Every single graduation of the past was the 1st week of the month. I've been going to one every 6 months, now my turn to get on the stage. Hey, what's a couple of weeks, right?

Except.

M was chomping at the bit. She already rented a Denver AirBnb for the last week of April based on a last date calc that graduation could be held in April. And then they pushed it to the next month. Fuck! Hey, the AirBnb people allowed us the cancel and gave the money back, cool.

We spent the preceding months winnowing. Packing. Getting rid of crap. We needed to fit everything in the van and Honda. M rented a storage unit, a tiny one. She figured she'd move everything she wanted to keep into the unit, then pack the vehicles from that.

2 days before graduation was my last day on job. M had been done a few days prior. I got a couple of really nice reference letters from the last employer, I walk on water. Neither of us has any jobs lined up in Denver. We are winging this.

We TOTALLY empty the house. Everything goes to storage, it better fit. Final winnow meant foam mattress and bed got tossed, as well as all furniture that we hadn't given away yet. M had a bunch of things in her head she thought MIGHT be able to keep, but in the end most got tossed.

We move into a motel room. The house is ready to give back. 2 months ago M stumbled down the steps. Left a huge hole on the wall at the bottom. We got estimates starting at $400 for the drywall portion of the fix. M did it for $50 of materials. She even matched the paint. It is perfect. Landlady said it is cleaner than when we got it. We will get most of our deposit back. We are ready to launch.

Mjr and her boyfriend went out 3 weeks earlier. They are airBnb bouncing. The final target is an apartment or house we will all live together in. Keep in mind I am a felon with really scary charges. It's perfectly fine to deny housing to a felon, it seems the standard is 10 years after end of supervision.
We load the van. We load the Honda. There is a still a bunch left in the storage unit. The day is over. Next morning, we go back to the storage unit with additional carry space in bags strapped to the roof. It fits. Everything. Perfectly. I did not believe possible, but M proved me wrong.

Graduation happens. I have a speech prepared, it would be well received while not pushing the lie that DC had anything to do with my success. Why? To make me look good that I was capable of producing this speech? F'it. I crumpled it, said thanks, went back to my seat on the stage.

I was given a graduation present. While it was appreciated it was way way too much. I certainly would not consider traveling with it. We visit a friend. I partake. I vomit. I float. I give my present away, and M drives back to the motel. Ok, so obviously my tolerance is way down and I need to re-calibrate.
Go to sleep, wake and GO! We are on the road around 7am. M following me. We will be traveling to IL where we have a motel room waiting.

Simple, straight forward description of the roads: PA expensive and worth it. OH not cheap, not expensive, roads fine. IN roads cheap and worth less. Dammit, charge a bit more, work on these roads. And then we get to IL. Road conditions suck. But hey, half way there.

Spend night in random motel, lovely, who cares.

During check-in M asks clerk: Nearest liquor store?
Clerk: Walmart about 1/4 mile that way -> (points)
M: Go get clear liquor.
Me: Yes ma'm.

I'm off on a liquor hunt. I haven't drank in a few years. M's preferred "brand" is clear. Tequila, rum, ya know, fire water. But clear. In a plastic jug. Well, not preferred, but we typically have two methods of alcohol runs, and this one didn't direct me to a particular high end bottle.

Hmmm. Walmart? Alcohol? Oh, yeah, welcome to the midwest. Permissive alcohol laws. And as I write that, why would I call it permissive? Could it be me recognizing part of my cultural programming as I start to cast the shackles off? Why wouldn't I call NJ's method of liquor license distribution extremely repressive (which it is)?

Grab a bottle of cheap clear rum.

Back at the hotel, I pour what I think is a shot in a hotel dixie cup. As it goes down, I have the appropriate reaction. Poison. But hopefully it'll counteract the last of the caffeine from the ride, I had drunk about a 6 pack of Mountain Dew (thinking of you GF) and was still buzzing along.

Drop. Sleep.

Get back into car, start driving some more. Not sure if the rest of the roads cost. Definitely not NE, no toll there. NE roads were awful, it is a huge state, so lots of awfulness to endure, and when the roads weren't awful they smelled like cow manure pits to make up for it. Wait a sec, manure pits? Which means cheap steak, YAY! And yes, editing this a few weeks later, ribeye is $6 a pound.

CO roads are a wild ride. As we enter the state the sun is going down. It is almost dark, but I still get flashes of sunlight in the distance. The ride is an ever increasing vertical run, but at a very gently long term slope. As the same time, there are many hills and valleys, both natural and man made. The man made ones are the overpasses. CO has overpasses like I've never seen. I grew up in NJ, I know highways, or so I thought. CO is all new to me.

Ok, here we go. I've been driving about 12 hours, high stress, even higher amounts of Mountain Dew, playing follow the leader with M (I'm the leader) in a game of death with the trucks. I am on the EDGE, and I still have quite a while to go.

I have no idea what the speed limit is, I see no signs. I am traveling on a 2 lane each direction road. Occasional highway overhead lights. 90% rural. Going about 65 feeling it is too fast. 1st car I see in 10 minutes passes me like I am standing still. I try to pick up my speed a bit, but lose that guy in the distance, I'm not gonna gain on him. And now feel like I'm going too fast for the road, my condition, my unfamiliarity with the place, and the fact I have no idea what the speed limit is, I drop back to 65.

And then come to my 1st overpass. Mind you, I don't know it is an overpass, I just see a lump of yellow blinky lights in the distance. As I get closer, I see a curved yellow blinky launch pad. Lots of pretty distracting lights obscuring what I actually needed to see.

WTF? Am I entering a construction zone? They narrowed the lanes going both directions and when my road met the road it was going over, they used the sharpest incline they could, I assume to save on costs. I was entering a zone of vertical curved invisibility, I couldn't see shit, and I could come over the top or around the corner any second and hit something that I couldn't see at high speed. Hell, I wanted to go around max 40 on this bit of road.

And someone again passes me like I'm standing still, far faster, since I am slower. When I get to the 2nd one I realize I just drove over a standard overpass, not a construction zone, and need to adjust accordingly. And then see the speed limit sign: 75. Which I've now learned is more like a suggestion for new drivers and tourists than a limit.

Four hours later we are zooming in to the AirBnB, it is around 11:30pm, they know we are coming in late. Local Denver roads, no traffic, 6 lanes plus median and lots of traffic lights. There are no cars on the road except M and me, and this little car seems to be buzzing us. You know, coming in to close, too fast, then backing away. Beeping occasionally. And then I realize it is Mjr, our welcoming committee.

We get to the AirBnb. I get my basket of goodies from the welcoming committee. We get a text from our AirBnb host reminding us "No Smoking indoors, go outside to smoke (anything)". Of course, not a problem.

We have a arrived. Phase I complete.

The mountains are incredible, and I know my perspective is crap distance, so they will get better when I get closer.

M goes job hunting. She had a bunch of interviews lined up, people were expecting her. Or so she thought. After several "We'd love to hire you but we thought you were kidding, we hired for that position yesterday" moments things got a bit tense.

Uh oh, looks like I gotta get responsible. Mj had showed up a few weeks back. She had a job going door to door getting signatures. This is for local liquor licenses and cannabis dispensaries. No sales, one question: Do you want business X to get license type Y? Engage in conversation if required, but try not to. Sure, I can do that, right? A couple of hours of training, set loose on the world, no problem. Next day I was out on my own. Went from clear sky short sleeve weather to sleet and hail in a blink. I went home defeated and broken. Next day I went out and got a decent light weight rain coat.

I went from 3 miles a day to 10 miles. That's a killer day though, don't want to stay that level. This job won't pay the bills but gotta do anything I can to bring the cash in, we are burning it.

M and I are at an apartment complex, we meet the front line rep, who then introduces us to the manager to see if my felony will keep us from living there. 10 minutes previously we had been checking out apartments, the rep was guiding us around. The scent of cannabis was thick in the air. The manager hears a bit of my story, acts appropriately, high fives me, then sees M is glaring at us. He realizes glorifying my actions may not be the best idea, backs off a bit, and we all smile and move forward. He is NOT the only person who we need to pass. But he's the first.

We pay a bit of money to see if they'd let me in, and wait.

A week passes. A week of burning AirBnb $$. A week of M interviewing. A week of other apartments or housing agents saying go away. A week of stress. Did you catch that? We are attempting to rent an apartment simply based on our tax return from last year, we have no income, at least not yet, and I am a felon. What kind of f'ing idiots thinks thinks could work? How can it not end in DISASTER? (foreshadow shark attack music please)

M goes to a copy shop, makes a bunch of resumes, papers the town with them.

Literally, goes to each possible job site within our geographical range, keeping in mind we have no home so are really unsure what that should be but have a general idea of where we'll end up, and drops a resume off. Addressed to the correct person there to receive it. In some cases, since she called ahead to get a person's name, they sent her through and she got phone prelim interviews. In some cases, when she drops it off, they pull her in for a face to face. The next day she follow up called, got interviews.

And the next day she had a job. And another. And a fallback pool position. And a stack of people annoyed she took the other offer. Sorry, she did say she will take the 1st offer, so make it fast.

The apt complex calls, says I am approved. M has a job offer in writing, so that's the income requirement. We pay a BUNCH of money put the app in and wait.

And find out Mjr's BF spent 90 days in jail, as a juvenile, when he was arrested because the cops thought he was his brother, and it took that long to get him out. Yeah, no one was looking for him so he sat. WTF? These charges were never dismissed, they simply let him go, because THEY LOCKED A JUVENILE UP MISTAKENLY? Wait a sec, why is it even showing up, you were a juvenile? Turned 18 while in jail. Oh. OK. So anyway, turns out when an apartment complex "allows" criminals, we each have to pay an extra month security deposit you know we will never see again.

But, also a week of enjoying every second of my new found freedom. And of fulfilling responsibilities. Hey, I got a job pounding the pavement, door to door signature gathering. I meet a lot of interesting people everyday, face-to-face. I'd love to do this job just to do it, but I can't keep it for both physical and financial, I'm simply not capable of walking 10 miles a day comfortably (yet) and I need to make more than it will pay.

After another week of waiting for approval we get it. BUT: That apartment we wanted won't available until 4 days after the current AirBnb expires. We could have a different one with a terrible layout, for more money, though. M said no, we'll take the one we want 4 days later.

And we move to Motel 6 to wait out apartment availability which may be forever. Ok, count it. NJ House->Local motel->air bnb 1->air bnb2->motel 6 in about 3 weeks. 4 moves. Not really, most of our stuff is in a Denver storage unit, we do have a lot of pillows that go with us everywhere though.

After 4 days at Motel 4, apt calls and says nope, not ready, won't be for weeks, maybe months, here, have a shiny new apartment, crappy layout, but much cheaper.

Ok, done. We move tomorrow. For realsies this time.

Signing lease paperwork electronically meant lots of pointy clicky. About an hour's worth. I should I brought in my trackball. Done. We get keys and a handshake, they don't even take us to the apartment. Keep in mind I've never seen it, I just know that M does not like the layout and we might be moving in a month.

Apartments are long rows, 3 floors with outside steps and doors, 4 rows of them surrounding a pool area in a rectangle layout. Entrance on the inside of the pool / courtyard. You park on the outside of the rectangle, mixed assigned (have no idea where our single spot is) and first come first serve. I usually get within 10 spaces of target (or closer). And then walk about 20 steps to stairs, and then up to the 3rd floor. "Up to the 3rd floor" is really the relevant phrase here. 3rd floor walk up. M did it for me. I did not want people walking on my head. M HATES 3rd floor walk up. But she loves me more she than hates it.

Very high vaulted ceilings. Fireplace. Balcony, which is where the rental agent told us to smoke. Anything state legal. Garbage disposal. Dish washer. 2 full bathrooms. Washer dryer to be delivered tomorrow, pay a extra monthly charge for that.

M thought we would drive somewhere and find 2 mattresses and a bed base within her budget before the end of the day and bring them back to apartment, rolled up and strapped to the roof of the Honda. 1 king size and 1 queen size. Starting at about 3pm. M is delusional. She's been working way too many hours and is under too much stress. I do not argue. She points, I drive, we go to a few stores before it sinks in. We go go Walmart, pick up a couple of air beds, and prepare to order a couple of mattresses online.

We are also setting up for internet. We had FIOS, none here, looks like Xfinity is it. There is a specific Xfinity rep for the complex. We call him, negotiate the package, and after about 5 phone calls, texts, and emails we have an account, and simply need to drive 20 min to pickup the equipment for a self install.

Cool. We go to the directed address, only to see an Xfinity store obviously in the stages of been built, not ready to actually be open. Huh?! Leave message for rep, find out the next day that there is ANOTHER Xfinity store about 4 store lengths away across the street. Get equipment, plug in, nothing works. There are jacks in every room. So what, nothing works. There is a Dish that was hooked up, nothing is for the Cable. Huh.

Cable guy shows up next day, on a Sunday, at 8AM. After a bit of running around, it is determined that all the outlets and current cable in the walls is worthless since it is specific to the Dish, and we have a single working jack in the living room.

Huh. So just has he lets that sink in then comes with the rescue option: We can setup wireless client boxes rather than cable boxes, no wiring needed. It will cost an additional $4 a month for each of the 2 clients, but you will gain DVR and On-Demand functionality on all devices, rather than the single one you had before.

Take it!

Very fast download, iffy upload (as expected, don't care), low latency. Easily handle multiple HD streams. Netflix app is built into the cable box, so 1st tier client, on the other hand, Hulu is not.

The remote is quite special. There is no lag between remote keypresses and reaction, something that was always an annoyance on my FIOS. The material is some type of rubberised plastic, which means easy to grip. Volume, mute, and pause are easy to find and use. When you pick it up, almost every possible button lights up, no more fumbling in the dark. But wait, it's too damn small. It's missing keys. How am I supposed to access on-demand or DVR or whatever? Hold the voice control button, say "DVR", let go, pop into DVR screen. Same with On-Demand or any other special functionality. The voice control is quick and accurate, and I can quickly jump to a particular show On-Demand without any tedious typing and search process.

Ok, got internet and cable.

Mattresses and bed frames showed up, YAY. A week early. I helped the Fedex guy carry it up the steps. Gel top 10 inch high foam, ahhhh. Queen size though. I'm going to have to get used to not using the side of the bed as a night table. You can do that on a foam mattress since it absorbs the vibrations.
Ok, now I truly have a home.

Aurora.
Send me an email or post address.
Lastname.firstname at gmail