It was a very routine morning. I was playing a few hands of OS/2 Solitaire to see how my luck was going for the day - I always play to 1000 points (or 0 points, but that's only happened once). I was getting pounded - real bad.

Then I went into the bathroom and noticed a primordial ocean was forming on the floor. I checked the connections to the toilet and found no problem, so I figured it must be the seal between the tank and the bowl. I turned off the water, flushed, and removed the tank. That area was dry - then I noticed a long crack down the side of the tank. 60 or 70 years and a crack shows up on this day?

So, I needed to replace the toilet. I did some measurements and went up to DIY Center and bought a toilet. I've been fighting with toilets flushing and filling all my adult life, so I decided on the high priced American Standard item, the only one where the flush mechanism was different - after confirming that spare parts were in stock.

The picture on the box said it could flush an entire pail of golf balls in a single flush. I'm not sure how relevant that is, because I very rarely shit golf balls.

Got the thing home. The box said "Team Lift Only" but the weight was only 112 pounds, so it was within my non-team lifting capability. I wrestled it into the kitchen where I could unpack it. The bowl probably weighed less than 70 pounds, so it was manageable.

Fist I installed the new shut-off valve I'd bought. The old one, which had been frozen open for more than 40 years actually came unscrewed at the place I wanted it to - very unusual in plumbing work. Now I could have water in the rest of the house while working.

So, I unscrewed the nuts holding the old bowl down - I thought. Actually I twisted the bolts in two. I thought this would be a major problem, until I found out how those bolts work - they were easily removed and replaced with the ones that came with the new toilet. Some plumbing designer did the right thing

So, I cleaned up the mounting area, replaced the old bolts, and got the new bowl installed. Then I mounted the tank - a hassle, but doable, connected the water feed, adjusted the fill level, and cleaned up the horrible mess this job left.

Less than 7 hours in all - not too bad.

I went back to finish my round of Solitaire. I was still getting pounded.

I went back into the bathroom and noticed a wet spot near the toilet I'd apparently forgotten to clean up. Went back in a little later and the wet spot was back. I checked my water connections and all looked fine, but I tightened them a bit anyway. Next check the water was back. Then I saw a drop of water falling from where it shouldn't

The tank had a big long crack in it. It hadn't been visible until the tank had water in it for awhile.

I managed to exchange the tank for a good one without uninstalling the whole works. That took awhile, because the staff needed manager approval, and no manager could be found. Finally they found one who wouldn't come out, (reviewing the tapes, they said) but told them how to do the paperwork and told them to sign her name to it.

New tank finally installed and all seems well - but I don't have any golf balls to test it with.

Interestingly, the flush is only 1.2 gallons, but seems quite violent. Fill time is less than 30 seconds and quiet. I guess you do get something for the higher price.

Finished up that round of Solitaire this morning, reaching 1000 points quickly.

Yes, but that is so essential I didn't feel the need to mention it. The original installation (probably more than 70 years ago) seemed to use something more like plaster - I had to chisel it out, but it wasn't hard - or maybe the wax takes a set over the decades.

Of course, now I know the sewers are haunted. When the pipes were open, I could often hear this eery sound, "Bong bong, bong" echoing up the pipes. The water trap should keep this under control.