Sheesh. I'm pretty embarrased now. My problem had nothing to do with a power supply, burned out CPU, burned out chip, or anything like that. It was, in fact, an improperly grounded motherboard.
This tower has been through 3 motherboards. The first motherboard was a different SHAPE than the next two, and the holes for the middle row of screws that attach it to the case were about an inch off from the next motherboard (and the new one). Just glancing at it, however, you can't really tell, and when I put the new motherboard in I didn't notice that the middle row of metal columns weren't actually lining up with the holes.
Miraculously, I used that motherboard for about a year with those posts not doing a damn thing to it. I guess it had been positioned "just right" or something. But I guess the board shifted ever so slightly in the last few weeks, and everything started screwing up.
When I put in the new motherboard (thinking the dead fan on the other one had perhaps toasted one of the processors), it didn't work at all.
So after cobbling together a frankenstein windows machien based on working parts from my linux box, and reporting initial success here, I started combing over "the wreckage" (my office is quite a sight right now) and I noticed the posts didn't line up with the holes. So I moved them.
And now the !@#$% thing works.
Good God, I feel like an idiot. :D