resolution sorta

Post #401,027 by rcareaga 4/19/15 11:18:40 PM Reply	resolution sorta The old gentleman consented last week, when he appeared to the siblings to be at death's doormat if not actually at the door, to be transferred to hospice care. Saturday morning he came roaring back (he is highly irascible by nature) because he thought one of the nurse/attendants displayed insufficient deference (man, they don't pay these people anything like enough to put up with my father, who has been needlessly, reflexively nasty to the service sector for as long as I can remember), and demanded that we find him another facility. Not gonna happen. We're not going to move him every ten days when he objects to yet another facility that's been secured for him after considerable effort and expense. We talked to Benny the Handyman at his last establishment, the "assisted living" facility that didn't monitor him particularly well, and mentioned that he was not settling in smoothly. "Oh," he said (in Spanish-accented English) "they're all mad the first couple of days at the new place. He'll settle down." I hate like hell that this has to be our relation from now on, and almost thankful that if I get that old it will be cold-hearted bureaucrats, if anyone, deciding my fate, and not conflicted children. Bring on the fucking death panels! morbidly,
Post #401,029 by crazy 4/20/15 8:38:21 AM Reply	my wife runs a facility Assisted living means people are in their own rooms which are considered their own homes. The staff must respect all their "rights", which include the right to be left alone. They can't force food or medicine on them. Until the point a doctor or judge says they can't make their own decisions, if they don't cooperate in their own care they are simply left alone. If they cross the threshold, then they are no longer qualified for assisted living and must be moved to a nursing home. The vast majority of old folks HATE it because they are grasping to their last shreds of dignity, and they get MEAN.
Post #401,041 by rcareaga 4/20/15 8:33:15 PM Reply	I have the utmost respect ...for the folks, not lavishly compensated, who put up with, and change the diapers of, cranky dying people. Back when he was still in his early sixties I trailed after my father in San Francisco one time, slipping ten dollar bills to blameless service personnel he'd abused. As I recall, I was out forty dollars on that occasion, back when I made a third my current salary. To this day he will make a scene rather than endure a real or perceived slight. His four children will endure almost any slight before we are prepared to make a scene. cordially,
Post #401,042 by crazy 4/20/15 10:36:13 PM Reply	me too. I could never do it.
Post #401,043 by Ashton 4/21/15 6:00:44 AM Reply	Seconding that, in the early '70s I knew several who put up with the insulting-wages, disrespect and other aspects of an utterly clueless and daily taking-for-granted. I marveled at their enduring tolerance, until realizing that this derived from no mere passive acceptance ... some caste thing, say wherein some past karma was being paid off? (and must be borne.) No, they were abiding that which I was sure I could not--rather: would not--accept. (In retrospect I think these personal examples gave me a first inkling of Mother Teresa's forbearance.) Without sanctimony they chose to suspend judgment of whatever was causing the then-cluelessness, though I wondered then as now: if they could discern when they were encountering a lifelong pattern and not just aging-infirmity.. y'know? (The Lesson was embarrassing enough, for a time. But insufficient to instill that level of adulthood here, in any reliable way.) Of course too, there are many such caretakers who are there simply because they have no alternative Mammon-approved job prospects. I suppose that these have learned to seethe silently, usually.) Sorry, have no idea of a proper response to pureed solipsism in a parent; Probably I'd go to any length just to duck any idea of confrontation ..so late in the game. Luck.
Post #401,070 by boxley 4/22/15 12:03:42 AM Reply	myself I have an iron rule If I dont like something I quietly speak to the manager about the issue, pay my bill with a minimum tip of 8% if it was the wait person pay full nut if it was the cook and never return. Now my brother is like your father, bitched about the food service and left a .25 cent tip on an $80 dollar bill. I told the waitress as I slipped her a ten, he cant help it he's canadian. Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free American and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 59 years. meep

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