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New Reading the bible... heh
On my mothers side, they are all Irish Catholic (except for a few switcheroos some generations back, only for political reasons) back to the bog. I was raised RC and went to parochial schools. I was then sent off to a male only Catholic high school on the insistence of my grandmother. I was 14 years old, socially inept, never had a girl friend, usually never more than one or two male friends, and I grew up in a house that was full of books and no television. I read a lot, including the bible, time to time, for reference purposes. At CL (Cathedral Latin, the high school I was sent to), they had a demerit system; if you got 30 demerits you got expelled. Religion class was obligatory, and I enjoyed it immensely: there was a lay (hugely fundamentalist) religion teacher who asked stupid questions and I responded with footnoted answers. He hated that. Him: "The bible is absolutely true!" Me: "Noah's Ark is true?" Him: "Yes!" Me: "2 elephants?" Him: "Yes" ... Me: "2 ants?" Him: "yes" Me: "2 ant eaters" Him: "Yes!" Me: "those must have been the hungriest ant eaters you ever saw..." Him "Go to the office!". Fortunately my great-uncle, brother Nurthern, was vice principal at the time, so we held my demerits to about 28. Until English class, where we were supposed to write a paper about some biblical tripe. I did a very satirical (and probably abusive) essay and footnoted every assertion I made. You just can't make this shit up... Brother D, the english teacher, had me read it in front of the class so he could mock me and prove his points. Every time he tried, I indicated the footnote supporting my position. He lost his temper and slapped me across the face in front of the class. I've always been a counter puncher; I didn't hit him that hard, but there was a desk behind him and he landed on his head. He was out for about a half a minute at most. I was expelled from CL with high honors in sciences, lesser so in religion and english.
I went to public high school and met the first love of my life, a slashing beautiful intelligent blonde girl. She showed up when my grandmother was in town; clean, beautiful, well spoken, well dressed including the gold star of David around her neck. My grandmother freaked and yelled at my mother, who told me I had to tell the priest in confession. I went to church and the only priest on duty was an ancient old misogynist, bigoted, old fart who told me: "You have to give her up or don't come back.". Me: "OK". Next sunday, my mother bangs on my bedroom door: "you have to get up for church" Me: "He said not to come back"
I've only been back for weddings and funerals and that is of respect for the people, not the church.
"Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."
~ AMBROSE BIERCE
(1842-1914)
Expand Edited by hnick March 28, 2015, 01:04:05 PM EDT
New The worst thing about religion is the people in power.
J and her twin sister were raised RC. They moved from VA to MA when they were young and things got a little jumbled about where they were in their progression in the faith.

Apparently they somehow ended up having their first Communion before they had their first Confession (or something like that).

When the priest found out, he FREAKED OUT!!

"That's a MORTAL SIN!!1 You're going to go to HELL!!11"

Who does that to a child??

They had to do all kinds of penance prayers and were understandably upset little girls.

She still talks about it, decades later...

:-(

It sounds like you had a good head on your shoulders from an early age. :-)

Thanks.

Cheers,
Scott.
New "Who does that to a child??"

Tampa Bay Times political editor Adam Smith noted on Twitter that Cruz had to pause his speech to respond to a little girl in the audience who was young enough to be carried by her mother.

"Ted Cruz literally just scared a little girl in NH," Smith wrote. "'The world is on fire?!' she asked, repeating his line on Obama-Clinton foreign policy."

"The world is on fire," Cruz replied, turning to face the girl and her mother. "Yes! Your world is on fire!"



http://crooksandliars.com/2015/03/your-world-fire-ted-cruz-shouts-insane




Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.
- - - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" 1897
New Reading the bible - a funny.
D, one of my less stable assistants, was an admirer of the Dalai Lama, but she fell under the spell of a TV preacher. The picture of His Holiness and various other evidence disappeared, and a little plastic gazebo housing a manger and Baby Jesus appeared at her desk.

A couple weeks later she asked me to order a bible for her on-line. I searched and found a nice study bible. It came in on a Friday and I handed it to her to take home.

I know she spent some hours of the weekend reading it - because Monday morning the gazebo was gone and the Dalai Lama was back up on the wall.
New :-)
New Another funny - not bible
Back in ancient times when I was gainfully employed, my boss was hit on by the Hari Krishna folks, and they gave him a portrait of A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. He pinned it on the wall above his desk and said "That's my Swami".

I responded by pinning up my own swami, a portrait of Aleister Crowley dressed as a Turkish Alchemist.

A few weeks later he tired if it, ripped it down off the wall and tossed in the trash. The next morning he was stopped at the guard booth and escorted off the property.

I immediately went out and got a frame for my swami's picture. No way was I taking it down.

Sales guy: "So, I hear you've taken over Earl's old job".

Me: "Yes".

Sales guy: "But you didn't get his title".

Me: "No - but I got the money".

Sales guy: "Well, I guess that shoots me down".

New the one that fester adams emulated?
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free American and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 59 years. meep
New Yeah, but he looked a lot different in the Turkish get-up.
New anteaters
Me: "Noah's Ark is true?" Him: "Yes!" Me: "2 elephants?" Him: "Yes" ... Me: "2 ants?" Him: "yes" Me: "2 ant eaters" Him: "Yes!" Me: "those must have been the hungriest ant eaters you ever saw..."
I will sacrifice a goat—or an ant—to Moloch for that.

reverently,
     Teaching evolution at the University of Kentucky. - (rcareaga) - (22)
         Ha! Typical of a Southern Baptist. - (mmoffitt)
         That is funny and sad at the same time. - (a6l6e6x)
         some people think the movie "waterboy" with adam sandler is a documentary -NT - (boxley)
         Church history should also be more widely taught. - (static) - (14)
             They don't passively ignore it, they actively ignore it - (drook) - (13)
                 but pastor, the pictures in the bible dont show them dressed like this? - (boxley)
                 Yes. - (static) - (11)
                     It's been a long time... - (Another Scott) - (10)
                         Reading the bible... heh - (hnick) - (8)
                             The worst thing about religion is the people in power. - (Another Scott) - (1)
                                 "Who does that to a child??" - (lincoln)
                             Reading the bible - a funny. - (Andrew Grygus) - (4)
                                 :-) -NT - (Another Scott)
                                 Another funny - not bible - (Andrew Grygus) - (2)
                                     the one that fester adams emulated? -NT - (boxley) - (1)
                                         Yeah, but he looked a lot different in the Turkish get-up. -NT - (Andrew Grygus)
                             anteaters - (rcareaga)
                         There's reading and then there's reading. - (static)
         A hard row to hoe.. where brains are pre-encrusted - (Ashton) - (3)
             "... deep mutual respect/transcending all the vicious racism ..." - (drook) - (2)
                 dont step in the kimosabe -NT - (boxley)
                 It is not Nice to delve too deeply - (Ashton)

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