I'd go with your youngest daughter's obviously superior intelligence and taste :-)
(with an Alt-mode--for those inevitable-Days under the new Dictat--when important matters are fubar-ed by Deciders who are Certifiable:)
Beethoven's or Chopin's versions of funereal events, in that effective minor-Key.

Subtul Plebiscite note:
..should the "Set of Two" happen to go viral, then on such legislated Days of cyanided-Wine and Deadly Nightshade bouquets, every meeting (etc) being interrupted by millions of fones,
playing funereal dirges--the fact of that going also viral--well, that's the kind of clusterfuck signal that the whole range of Murican-IQs can grok to Fullness, innit?

Make it So! O' Masters of extremely-Artificial Intelligence

A perspicuous selection there, given the caveats: aka unlikely to implement. But what-if? opens lots of doors.

[Do ANY of these people ever have it register.. that, the MIC is quote sensitive? you need not CHATTER-endlessly, at ROOM-filling excess to decide between the Frito-Lay or Cheez-whizzers..]

Then realized there is an abundance of Composers from whom similar passages {of angst} !? might be extirpated. I hadn't realized (my ignorance is large) of--even back to Medeival--the immortality of such a catalogued list of just the Composers of the catchy-tunes, with & without accompaniment. (Though am aware of the Concerto for Soprano and Orchestra of Gliere; a fav, my LP is called, Russian Jewels with Joan Sutherland's magnificent solo performance. No words/pick one phrase? cerebral-ringtone.)

But for my ears, as unwilling bystander of these silence-eaters: Bix Beiderbecke's In a Mist and others of his utterly 'clean' performances eclipse all the distilled-antsiness of the usual ones.

(BTW, as your tastes seem catholic-small-c:)
I was once gifted with an amazing album via a lass who ran off to marry a musician of maybe, the Cincinnati O. Who Shall Rule this American Nation Nonesuch H-71317 "Songs of the Civil War Era by Henry Clay Work": the fine pianist William Bolcom and singers. Dunno if it's pure unobtainium or reissued, but When the Evening Star Went Down /1866 song about a sinking.. can match any of the Greats for pathos. Some passages even on a fone, I wot. If one did that sort of thing.

..if Minnesota isn't too long a jaunt. Hey.. that's what Vroomy German cars are made for, no? :-þ

Peer Gynt is arrogant, manipulative and dishonest, yet we can't take our eyes off him. Henrik Ibsen's timeless and rarely-produced masterpiece, with a newly commissioned translation by prolific poet and Minnesota native Robert Bly, captures the misadventures of its charismatic central character in a bold, raucous and satirically funny journey to find his place in the world.

He's quite the Model for the dis-USA, but with style..


PS (by happenstance) if you want to see Hungary's reincarnation of Sarasáte, and a violin played at 0.98 Light-speed, catch a PBS fund-raiser flic,
Zoltan Maga: From Budapest with Love. A good pair with the Rach. 2 young German(?) pianist of some moons back ... when one needs a dose of allegro vivace..