Any tips on dealing with the death of a loved one?

Post #3,976 by brettj 8/6/01 7:18:53 PM Reply	Any tips on dealing with the death of a loved one? I awoke this morning at 5 am to find my 18 year old cat going into convulsions. By 7:30 she took her last breaths. And even though she had been going downhill for the past 2 years or so, she gave no real indictation yesterday that she was not going to be around today. Well, after Gizmo died a couple months I thought I was prepared for Jazmine's death but I'm finding out that I'm not such an emotionless guy afterall. So far, the best therapy after both deaths has been discussing it with others. Any other suggestions to help me heal faster?
Post #3,978 by imric 8/6/01 7:54:50 PM Reply	Tell stories... ...funny ones, endearing ones. YMMV, but it's always helped me. Imric's Tips for Living Paranoia Is a Survival Trait Pessimists are never disappointed - but sometimes, if they are very lucky, they can be pleasantly surprised...
Post #3,980 by boxley 8/6/01 8:06:46 PM Reply	time and talk to people that are sympathetic Our bureaucracy and our laws have turned the world into a clean, safe work camp. We are raising a nation of slaves. Chuck Palahniuk
Post #4,092 by deSitter 8/7/01 5:14:37 PM Reply	Get More Cats You just saved the life of two pound cats. Go today, bring home more. Get three. Save a cat, be happy.
Post #4,125 by brettj 8/7/01 8:55:20 PM Reply	We've already talked about it ... with one of the neighbors that is considering the same thing. Her cat, Tuffy, jumped right out of her arms one day with the same type of seizure that Jazmine suffered, and was put to sleep by the vet within hours. We would have done the same with Jaz had it not been 5 AM. At least we know what to expect when we have another animal go through this. I've already had another neighborhood cat have an unusual eppelectic seizure on my lap and chomp into my thumb during it. That was a fun trip to the hospital for me, I'll tell you! It turned out Felix was allergic to flea bites. It turns out I am allergic to cat bites. (" Anyway, thanks for the suggestions, all ya. P.S. Talking about the experience with others who have been through it has been the best medicine so far. Plus, as they say, "time heals all, except a leaky facet."
Post #4,278 by jlalexander 8/8/01 4:53:31 PM Reply	Agreed. I lost a dog suddenly around a year ago. Came home to find her laid out in the back corner of the yard. Like your cat, she showed no signs before, and luckily I wasn't around to see her death firsthand. But, it was hard loss. Definitely close to losing a child, I would imagine. My wife and I just broke down and had a good cry the first night. We went through a quiet mourning period of a week or two, but afterwards we did like everyone else was suggesting: told stories, got out pictures, worked on scrap books (well, I helped the wife with that). And, we went to the pound and saved a mutt blue healer mix. That definitely helped. Since then we've gone on to actually donating fairly heavily to the SPCA, and spending more time and taking more pictures of our "kids", the puppies. -Jason ---- My pid is Inigo Montoya. You "killed -9" my parent process. Prepare to vi.
Post #4,163 by orion 8/8/01 6:32:56 AM Reply	Re: Any tips on dealing with the death of a loved one? It is hard to deal with death sometimes. I go through a period of shock myself, and then get hit hard with a depression afterwords. I guess you were very close to that cat, I had a friend who was like that with his cats. He grew up with them and then after high school one of them died. It was like he lost a brother or sister. I had a family dog that had to be put to sleep when I was a young teenager. I was really sad afterwords. After that I lost my grandfather and was even sadder. Best thing you can do is try to remember the good times you had with the deceased. Keep them alive in your heart. "I can see if I want anything done right around here, I'll have to do it myself!" Moe Howard
Post #4,195 by screamer 8/8/01 10:56:45 AM Reply	Re: Any tips on dealing with the death of a loved one? I have personally lost a brother two years ago and my father this January... If there's anything that I've learned, it's to go ahead and let it all out. Cry if you want to. Being a real man is not about being emotionless - not even close. When my brother died, I tried to find a way to blame him ('cause I didn't want to face my own mortality) for dying young. I was in the room with my dad (he was at home with hospice) and I'll never take breathing (the sound) for granted again. Sometimes even now when I am putting my year and a half old son to sleep when I listen for his breathing (to let me know he's falling asleep), I go right back into the death vigil my family was keeping over my dad - listening to his breathing to see if he was still alive. It gets too intense for me sometimes, but I'm working my way through it. Time helps, but there is always a sincere sadness and void that follows the death of a loved one. I still miss the cat I had when I was a kid and I still remember vividly the day he died. Time has sort of healed that. I now have two cats and I treat them like gold 'cause I know they most probably will die before I do. It's the life process. I like to listen to the Cat Stevens song "Oh, very young" as therapy... "we're only dancing on this earth for a short while..." Just a few thoughts, Screamer "Putting the fun back into funatic"
Post #4,300 by brettj 8/8/01 7:38:22 PM Reply	I guess we all have to deal with it sooner or later. Once again, I really appreciate people sharing their stories with me. Regarding the breathing part, I am still having a hard time breathing normally, two days after seeing Jaz gasping for breath. After raising her from a kitten back in the spring of '84, this death has been fairly tramatic for me. Even more so perhaps than the death of my son, who was born premature and lived for only 8 hours or so. I guess both deaths hurt for different reasons. Anyway, I knew Jaz only had a year or two to live so the shock isn't a problem but her absence in my life, (and on my keyboard or lap) is causing my to slow down a bit and reflect on life a bit more. What good does it do if you own the world and lose your soul?
Post #4,323 by screamer 8/8/01 11:24:39 PM Reply	Yeah, like the Clint Eastwood line in Unforgiven... Kid (after killing a man for the first time) - "Well, I guess he had it coming..." Clint - "Drink up kid, we all got it coming" Seeing how this is the Religion, Philosophy and Metaphysics section, I feel that it is a pleasant thought that I may be reunited someday spiritually with all of the "entities" that I have loved... I wouldn't really care for heaven if my cats weren't there ;-) . I have two cats that I've raised from very tiny kittens and I dread the day that one of them will die. I don't think any death is different from any other. For the living, it means "end of story", "chapter closed" now get on with it... There is no appeal process, nada. It's just final, move on. On the metaphysical side, I like to think when I go that people will be sad but will move on quickly as their lives are short as well - only so many seconds, so many minutes, so many days... I think I'd like a New Orleans style send off myself. I'm rambling now... Hang tough and when your ready, get another cat. He won't replace your old buddy, but he will become a new one. Just a few thoughts, Screamer "Putting the fun back into funatic"
Post #4,360 by deSitter 8/9/01 11:02:24 AM Reply	Re: Yeah, like the Clint Eastwood line in Unforgiven... Hi Dan. I knew you were someone I really liked!
Post #4,375 by screamer 8/9/01 12:02:09 PM Reply	Was there ever any doubt? And who is this Dan fellow anyway, deSitter? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more... Really dOn't Say Stuff like that! Let's UNderStand FOR every Day you do, you are being more cryptic... DAd oNce told me that we REally Can't Know who we truly are... Enough!!! Yeah, I like the song Idiot Wind about the best too... I just relate more to being Tangled Up In Blue... Just a few thoughts, Screamer "Putting the fun back into funatic"
Post #5,477 by inthane-chan 8/16/01 5:26:38 PM Reply	Two suggestions: 1) "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" IIRC. It's a children's book about the death of a cat, but it holds true for adults as well. Make a list of nine things that you loved about your cat, then add #10 - "and now (s)he'll make the flowers grow." Then plant some flowers over the grave. 2) If you're in need of spiritual fuzzies, hit google for "The Rainbow Bridge." .sig trimmed because It sure ain't appropriate here.

Welcome to IWETHEY!