the doctor had cancled my meds because I hadn't had an appointment with him for months. But I was without insurance for a while, and was trying to get my work schedule changed so that I would have time to get an appointment. They couldn't see me until May, and other doctors could not see me until June or July. Must be the mental fallout of the 911 attacks? Anyway it seemed like the whole world was crashing down on me, and that the only way to end my misery was to kill myself. So I slashed my wrists, and in a mommemt of clarity I checked into the nearest ER. After holding me for a few days and allowing my blood pressure to drop to almost normal and upping my meds, I was released today.

I found it rather odd that most people in there believed almost the same stuff that I did and what I had posted on these forums. That basically the rich run this country and get all the perks. The government and the companies doing airport security are partly to blame for the 911 attacks for not preventing them. One fellow, a reverend, said that Bush planned the attacks and said he had proof. Now I am not sure how he knew this or what proof he had, but it did sound a bit off the wall. Why would Bush plan the attacks? To make him look better as a President? To use it as an excuse to attack other countries and clean out the terrorist camps? To hide other facts that the press would have reported about his administration? (Wag the dog?) I am not sure if I could go all the way to blame Bush, or say that he planned the attacks, but I will say that he and his administration are partly to blame for not doing anything to find out about them or try to prevent them. But this reverend had said that evil rules this land, and that he was cruisading against corruption. Why is it that most of the mentally ill people believe this way?

But anyway, I am back, for now. Jobless, and under more medication, trying to get less depressed.

They greatly reduced my depression and eradicated the suicidal thoughts. Just a brain-chemestry problem solved by increasing the meds.

It was nothing that anyone here did to me, but I have to say getting into heavy debates did not help matters any. So I may have to take a break the next time I feel that way.

for example I say that Bush and his administration was responsible for the Sept 11th attacks because they didn't beef up security depite the warnings we got. After that ship was hit with the rubber raft, if I was president, I would have beefed up security right there on military and civilian ships, planes, and other transports in and out of the country. But one of the really mentally ill would say that Bush planned the whole thing, and hid Osama somewhere in the US while using it as an excuse to attack other countries? I say that our lack of security at airports, and lack of security checking H1b and Student Visas also caused this to happen. Am I being crazy, or am I just thinking about what could have caused it?

One lady I had worked with recently at the Helpdesk job told me that she was on duty in the Army and had to stop a teenager from firing at a nuclear missile. The kid had taken his father's ID and gun, drove the jeep past two checkpoints and then came into her area, firing his gun at the missile. Her group she was with had to fire on the kid after they told him to drop the gun and put his hands up. He turned around and fired at them, and they had to fire back, in single shot mode instead of automatic. One bullet hit him in the chest (she said she aimed for his legs and arms, but they don't know who hit the chest) and he had to be taken to the hospital. His father tried to get them courtmarshalled, but they were only following orders. If they let him fire on the missile, it could have blown up and spread radioactive matreial over the town. The people who let the kid pass using his father's ID should have been held responsible for allowing this to happen. They should have noticed how young the kid looked, and stopped him to ask him questions instead of waving him pass. But still what would you do in that situation? The kid apparently was drunk or on drugs, who knows what he was trying to do? Do you shoot the kid, or do you let him have his fun until the bullets are all gone from his gun and hope he doesn't start a nuclear fallout or explosion?

Maybe it is time we stopped pointing fingers and do something about it? But what can we do? Start anti-terrorist watches in our neighborhood?

Didn't three of the hijackers/terrorists jave Visas either real or stolen or forged?

I can see the good and the bad in people. The bad people I want them to at least try to reform themselves, but it is something they must decide to do. I cannot do it for them, nor can I do much except try to show them the errors of their ways. Some of the wealthy understand that they have a responsibility of taking care of those less fortunate than themselves, others just let greed and power and politics control them. If there wasn't any evil, there wouldn't be any problems and this would have been a perfect world. As it stands, this is an imperfect world, full of suffering and misery as well as joy and hope, some people like me have a heaping extra slice of suffering and misery, while others have an extra slice of joy and hope.