The problem here is New Orleans needs to be abandoned and Katrina gave us the excuse. What do you do with a city that needs giant pumps running 24/7 to keep it above water? Especially in the face of global warming and rising sea levels? What do you do with a city that's tried to contain one of the world's great rivers - and is losing control.

I tell you what you do - you kind of neglect it until the river does what rivers do and we don't have to worry about it any more. That's what's happening there.

Here in California we belong to the Disaster of the Month Club, and it doesn't bother us, but we do laugh at those who bravely say, "We will rebuild" when they are in the very path of disaster - like New Orleans. Well, they're rich so we'll take their money to rebuild and wait for the next opportunity.

Of course, it the US does fall apart - we probably don't want Utah, but we're taking Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington. If things are really a mess we'll take Baja too. We'll think about Idaho. We don't really want Oregon but it's in the way, between us and Washington.

Our armies will be named DWP and MWD and we'll raise the price of our exported lettuce, artichokes and grapes to pay for it all.

On the other hand, we could decide the Mississippi makes a nifty border.