you might find out that I may not do what you want me to do. My brain does not work the way that the average human being's brain does. This us because of my mental illness. Don't take it personal.

I am applying for that job online, I'll see what happens. But I have no plans to move out of state. Willie Makeit, Betty Kant!

than to turn off the negative thoughts. The medicine has helped, but the doctor suggested ECT, Electro Chemical Treatment, to shock my brain and cause a siezer(spelling?) that is controlled and should restore the chemical imbalance. I am not sure if it would have worked, as my grandfather had it a few times and it didn't help him get out of his depression. If there was a button I could press to make all the negative thoughts go away, I would press it, but no such button exists. The depression if chemical, and also passed down to me via my genes. Both my father's and mother's side of the family suffer from depression.

Believe me, I've tried positive thinking only to crash and burn again, like Snoopy shot down by the Red Baron. After about a hundred thousand of these episodes of the depression taking control of my thoat patterns, I don't really see any use of anything I am doing or have done already to prevent it. But I keep on trying, and keep on getting shot down each and every time. The way I feel, like a modern day Job, made to suffer as some sort of test, and not being able to die from the suffering or my own hand. I just wish the suffering would go away and the test or whatever it is would end.