It's all about TIME + expertise and patience. And everyone has a Life, which has no slot reserved for maddening fiddles with no withdrawal date.

Fickle Finger Award (Laugh In™) to makers of that alleged array/controller.
RAID, random assortment of indefensible drives?

Lacking the requisite skillz, I shall at least loft a faint hope that one of our intrepid boffins can brilliantly deduce the exact madness-algorithm via which our orderly data came to look like the storage in Bush's brain.

Sorry that our little fiefdom has now become {sob} an albatross.
So, should we SHUN Mike? That seems to evoke magical powers.