If you were talking about your wife, I'd sympathise.

As it happens, my co-workers here seem to care about me and my family. That's very nice, I appreciate it, and I reciprocate. But that's not what it's about. It is a factor in the decision to work here, but not key.

It's very, very simple: you have a package to offer, they have a package to offer. If the deal is beneficial to both sides, it's a deal. If it isn't, it isn't.

The closest to respect that you can expect from an employer is the recognition that you bring services worth more than what you chargve for them. If you have that, you can negotiate. If you don't, you are a parasite.

Get past that last job. Don't give them as a reference. Don't complain about them. The answer you give when asked why you won't give them as references is "there were personality issues on both sides. (And don't elaborate - if they push it, your answers are as short as possible - "yes" "no" - or dull un-memorable SHORT passive-voice "differences of perspective occured" BS. Get off the topic as fast as possible.) My previous employer X can probably give you a more accurate picture."

Here's to spin honestly: you want the interviewer to remember the positive and forget the negative. When you paint a picture with words, when you tell a story, you plant memories. When you give dry facts without emotion and no more detail than the interviewer demands, you don't.

After the interview, there will probably be a meeting where the interviewer talks about you. In these meetings, it is good form for the interviewer to say some positive and some negative things. You want the interviewer to say "Well, I liked X, Y, Z about Norm. His last job didn't work out (unspoken: for reasons that made sense a minute ago but I don't exactly recall now)." So make X, Y, and Z memorable. Figure out what X, Y, and Z are, and remember a story from your life (don't make them up, do write them out) that illustrates each. Rehearse each story, with enough detail (Sensory, not technical. And the details don't all have to be particularly relevant.) to draw a picture, with lots of verbs. Make each story about a minute long. During the interview, watch for questions that are good excuses for your stories, and jump right in.

The economy is picking up. Some company out there needs VB code. When you find them, you won't need their respect, just their professionalism in exchange for yours. They won't mistreat you because they will fear losing your services. See to it you don't mistreat yourself on their behalf. Tell them what you need in order to provide the kind of service they need - and that includes service and maintainance on the ol' brain support unit.

Your last employer was able to maltreat you because they knew they had you for as long as they wanted, on any terms they felt like.