For "Thanksgiving", perhaps you need to ask them to count their blessings. Parents who care, who work with you, who love and help their kids and tolerate their BFs. Also, you need to work on "behavioral" things, like you're more likely to say "yes" if they ask nicely.
And the BF thing. He's twisting your words. I guess it's too late to start cleaning your shotgun? When your daughter twists your words, is that her talking or the BF putting her up to it? Sounds like you DO need to be cleaning firearms soon. Is the BF serious about school, or is it another excuse not to work?
I didn't have a child to support, but I did pay about 1/2 my college education working. My wife did the same. I had friends who paid 100% of their college education, they took 7-8 years to finish school, but they graduated. One is now a partner in a CPA firm. The other one is a millionaire.
The "young women" need to learn to take care of themselves. Some language like my parents used. "Well, you're a young adult now, and you clearly have some adult problems. You need to think about your life and what you want out of it. Not just the current BF/GF, but what you want for you and your kids. I can't give it you, we're not the Waltons. I can be your coach and mentor, but it's your life and you're responsible for the consequences of your actions. You have to make the money to support the lifestyle you want to have." I already use that one on my 11 year old on why he needs to be serious about school.
Your problem is you keep rescuing them.
My wife has 53 year old sister that we personally have rescued twice, her mother has rescued her twice or three times, and her dad, well, too many too count. My wife's step-mother-in-law is in her early 60's and has never lived alone. My father-in-law took care of everything until he had a stroke about 2 months ago, now she's a mess because she's never paid the light bill in her life. We had to teach her how to "write a check and balance a checkbook".
My kids are 11 years (boy), 10 (girl), and 6 (boy). We are starting now, and your tales encourage me even more that they will never treat us like this.
Good Luck and my Prayers will be with you. YOU NEED 'EM!!!!!