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MILLENNIUM HAPPY PEOPLE'S ANNOUNCEMENT # 020401-666

The holocaust of unfulfilled sperm lost to the species in each male act of masturbation is a horror which has gone unpunished for too long.

Now that our country has in power a Decent administration which clearly Values All Life Absolutely* and a courageous Attorney General - one not afraid to take appropriate action when confronted with obscene statues - this Great Cause shall be conjoined with our magnificent
War on Sin^h^h^h Evil, beloved of all countries.

* well, except for anyone convicted of certain crimes in Texas (and who certainly doesn't need that DNA test enroute to the execution chamber, either - since there are No Undetected Errors in Texas courts.) And except for civilians somewhere nearby a cluster bomb or two. And except for - [see pp. 1-50 attached]

Effective April 1, 2002

As befits a society which reveres life at all stages (well, prenatal American life of people too poor to afford a trip to somewhere Else) henceforth the penalty for male masturbation shall be - death. An eye for / an eye. An adult for / a potential blastocyst, zygote ... all the way up to the moment of birth.

In keeping with this spirit and the increasing number of trials of children as adults, when they really piss us off: masturbating children shall not be exempted from this Millennium Caring Act unless - a clinical study demonstrates that no single viable sperm is contained in a test ejaculate.

Note that the unChristian pernicious use of so-called birth control - is tantamount to depriving sperm of a chance to become a Murican. Such devices are deemed a de facto equivalent to masturbation, as described above in this Millennium Happy People's Announcement.

God Bless You All ... and God Bless America! and its new
Righteous Millennium Justice Delivery System.

By authority of,
Your Government. Your tax dollars at work for Decency.



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