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New The Seamy Side of Doze - in a real newspaper!
[link|http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2006/07/14/notes071406.DTL| Mark Morford] at SFGate. SFW? well it's about Doze, but it talks about body parts.

OK it's weird - but it's in a non-tech place: the SF Chron actually.
I mean, if the plebs have reached this level of disgust, could they have finally - - ?

Windows Gives No Tongue
Reminder: Microsoft's bloated OS is truly terrible in the sack. But a Mac will make you moan

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, July 14, 2006

It has those beady little eyes. It has that seedy come-hither stare. It has overstretched pleather pants and million-dollar gold caps over stained teeth, through which glides that famously shrill voice that seems at once tempting and full of promise and yet also more than a little whiny, deceptive, ill.

"Aww c'mon, baby," Windows pleads, kneeling at the foot of the bed. "This time it'll be different, I promise." It coughs that familiar phlegmy hack, like a busted Dell motherboard scraped over of a lumpy C++ programmer.

"I'm clean as Gates' conscience! Coding smooth as PowerPoint in pudding! No hang-ups at the moment, guaranteed. Got me all the latest precautions, baby. Just downloaded 18 more urgent patches to cover up the latest in about 115,986 severe security holes and I'm triple condomed against all those bugs that sent me into such a crazy spasm last time. Check it out!"

Before you can object, Windows yanks off its startup screen and whips out some mangled kernel code so scarred and meaty and discolored it looks like something Steve Ballmer might feed to his rabid daschunds. Or vice versa.

"I'll give it to you good, baby. Send you to the moon! To the stars! To the iTunes Music Store without a single sudden inexplicable freeze!"

It is, of course, the same old story, the same old come-on, Win once again acting all smooth and charming but completely unable to avoid that world-famous sheen of BS propaganda, coupled with a smell that's a disquieting cross between wet plastic and old cardboard and roughly 10 billion collected hours of lost productivity.

"And by the way, I sure do appreciate you dumping another $49.95 for the latest in mandatory anti-virals." A chortle emits from somewhere beneath its Recycle Bin. "Damn, that stuff is like digital Viagra! My Start button is throbbing like Tom Cruise at a Scientology rave!"

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Darrell Spice, Jr.            Trendy yet complex\nPeople seek me out - though they're not sure why\n[link|http://spiceware.org/gallery/ArtisticOverpass|Artistic Overpass]                      [link|http://www.spiceware.org/|SpiceWare]
     The Seamy Side of Doze - in a real newspaper! - (Ashton) - (2)
         Very good -NT - (broomberg)
         Nice -NT - (SpiceWare)

You don't get syphilis that way.
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