Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It\ufffds the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next time."

"Hey Sven, " said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a Combine?" After Sven replied, "I don't know." Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

One night, Ole and Lena were fast asleep when all of a sudden the phone rings. Ole wakens and goes to answer it. "How the heck should I know, that's a thousand miles away!!" he barks into the phone and then slams down the receiver. "Who was that?" asks Lena. "I have no idea, Lena, " answers Ole. "Somebody wanted to know if the coast is clear."

Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" Ole says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" Ole says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort. "Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued. They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender\ufffds curiousity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked. "51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded. "What did you do in 51 days?" he probed. "Put the puzzle together," they replied, "51 days and the box said 3-5 years!"

Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."
Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."
Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."
Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?" Lena: "In da lake."

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name isn't Valter."