Speeding Ticket (apologize if this is a repeat)

Post #249,469 by jbrabeck 3/27/06 9:23:48 AM Reply	Speeding Ticket (apologize if this is a repeat) A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" (I love this part....) "Only when he's been drinking." A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Post #249,476 by Another Scott 3/27/06 11:45:40 AM Reply	Ha! :-)
Post #249,563 by broomberg 3/27/06 8:07:08 PM Reply	I was in a situation like that, but it ended differently. Was going canoeing in the NJ pine barrens. I was driving my girlfriend, my mother, and (hmm) not really sure. I suspect it was my sister, but not really sure. I just know my mom was in the backseat behind me. I was following my brother. He knew where we were going, I had no idea. My mother had found a bag of old rotten pistacios on the floor. I had tossed them back there a LONG time previously. If they were any good, I would have eaten them. Mom: Hey, you have pistacios here! Me: Don't eat them, they are rotten. Mom: Bullshit - You're just selfish and want them. Me: No, really mom, they are bad. She of course did not believe me, and proceeded to eat one. She started gagging. They were really horrible. So she reached for a can of Coke that she found. The can of coke that had been bouncing around in my car for a LONG time. Me: No mom!!! Don't open the Coke. Crack. SPRESHHHHHH. The can fountained over her, covering her with the sticky sugary liquid. I tried. My brother turned off the main highway and now we were on back-roads. He was driving way too fast. I had to keep up with him or get lost. My mom started screaming at me to slow down. I told her I couldn't. She kept yelling. As I turned a blind corner, I passed a cop going the other direction. I saw that my brother had already pulled into the parking lot. I slammed on the brakes, pulled in, and was covered in a cloud of dust as the cop, who had just pulled a U-turn, followed me in. The cop was not just a cop. She was a state trooper. And she was VERY pretty. She asked me for my paperwork and asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I told her I knew I was speeding, I was trying to keep up with my brother. Please, give him a ticket, not me, I'll testify in court against him! She told me to sit down and wait while she checked me out. My mom went over to her. Started yelling at her. Told her she should arrest me, that I had put her life in danger and that I deserved to be put in jail. The trooper called me back. Asked me if I had any warrants. I responded: No. She said her computer was down, but she'd track me down and arrest me if I was lying. She then gave me a written warning. No ticket. I can only assume that she thought dealing with my mom was punishment enough. During the actual canoeing, there seemed to be a lot of frogs. I'd whap them over the head with a paddle, scoop them up, and fling them at her.
Post #249,582 by ben_tilly 3/27/06 11:16:56 PM Reply	I'd always wondered... exactly how far back your issues with the fairer sex went. Now I know. Cheers, Ben I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)

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