Your beliefs do not offend me
The manner in which you _may_ choose to express them _may_ offend. Mr. Carlin cirtainly expresses his beliefs in an offensive manner.
Branches of Christianity do not count in this discussion - they are simply about interpretation of the existing record of events.
Mormonism and Islam are more to the point, and here I really don't know what to say. May be it's not a matter of all or nothing, may be there are degrees between conspiracy theory and real divine inspiration. I personally think that Islam is a case of self-delusion, and Mormonism a case of deception. But I may be wrong. I certainly will not try to prove (or even to tell) that to a Mormon, as long as he/she leaves me alone. More iterestingly, God works in misterious ways, and good may come out of illusions and even out of conspiracy.
There is nothing "obvious" that you are missing. It's not my job to convince you that God exists, much less that He is what I think He is (and obviously He is not what I think He is). As long as you don't call me a fool duped by some con artist who lived 4000 years ago, I'll be happy to keep my peace.
