Dept. of Homeland Security file on Spongebob Squarepants

Post #191,119 by lincoln 1/21/05 8:14:46 PM Reply	Dept. of Homeland Security file on Spongebob Squarepants HOMELAND SECURITY ALERT MEMO FOR JANUARY 21ST, 2005 ------------------------------------------------------ FWD TO: Tom Ridge, Michael Chertoff TITLE: SpongeBob SquarePants Dossier NAME: SpongeBob Squarepants BACKGROUND: Subversive Al-Qaeda social terrorist who's promoting a gay agenda to corrupt George W. Bush's young Republican supporters by batting big flashy eyes, by hugging friends way too close and watching a television show about a Mermaid Man. GAY FRIENDS: Patrick - a Starfish; a Possible Communist symbol according to the "J. Edgar Hoover Secret FBI Handbook On Communist Subversion" supplied to Homeland Security courtesy of Attorney General John Ashcroft. SUSPICIOUS TERRORISTIC ACTIVITY: Lives in a Pineapple Under The Sea. Spontaneously inflates himself with water. Bats eyelashes. Hugs friends way too close. Watches a Mermaid Man on TV. Appears in music video while dancing to the gay disco song "We Are Family". THREAT ASSESSMENT: RED ALERT CONTINGENCY PLAN 1: ELIMINATE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THREAT WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. LAUNCH TACTICAL NUCLEAR ATTACK ON THE PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA. DESTROY TARGET. CONTINGENCY PLAN 2: Burn all books, merchandise, videos and DVD's relating to SpongeBob Squarepants. Instruct the FCC to ban the airing of SpongeBob SquarePants In America for all time. CONTINGENCY PLAN 3: Re-Brainwash Americas Youth With George W. Bush's Second Inauguration Speech to wipe away all mental fragments of SpongeBob Squarepants. CONTINGENCY PLAN 4: Lock up supporters of SpongeBob Squarepants in FEMA Relocation Camps. Use forced drugging to break SpongeBob brainwashing. Implant detainees with implantable microchips for further surveillance in the event of psychological reversion to SpongeBob's ideology. Psycholocial revertees and detained SpongeBob supporters are subject to harsh and unusual interrogation methods in order to make more SpongeBob SquarePants supporters reveal themselves when they retaliate with further subversion. See Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's P2OG(Proactive, Preemptive Operations Group) plan for further details. MESSAGE NOTE: THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF DESTRUCT. lincoln "Windows XP has so many holes in its security that any reasonable user will conclude it was designed by the same German officer who created the prison compound in "Hogan's Heroes." - Andy Ihnatko, Chicago Sun-Times [link\|mailto:bconnors@ev1.net\|contact me]
Post #191,120 by ChrisR 1/21/05 8:29:08 PM Reply	The imagination rainbow was a dead give away but you'll get my sponge bob mouse pad when you pry away my cold wet finger.
Post #191,121 by Another Scott 1/21/05 8:30:41 PM Reply	Are you sure you picked the right forum? That's closer to the truth than you might think. At least if you believe the FRC, FotF and some other groups. [link\|http://www.beliefnet.com/story/159/story_15981_1.html\|Beliefnet]: Conservative Christian groups are criticizing a multicultural children's video featuring SpongeBob SquarePants and other TV characters, claiming it promotes acceptance of gay and lesbian families. I'm glad they're working to save us from SpongeBob and [link\|http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/276677.stm\|Tinky Winky]. ;-j Oh well, at least this isn't [link\|http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1253726.html\|Greece]. At least not yet: A cartoonist who portrayed Jesus as a pot-smoking hippy has been sentenced to six months in prison by a Greek court. Austrian cartoonist Gerhard Haderer has been sentenced to six months imprisonment by a Greek court that ruled his Life of Jesus satire offends public decency and religious feelings. Austrian Gerhard Haderer's comic book The Life of Jesus shows the son of God crossing the Sea of Galilee naked on a surfboard. It depicts the Last Supper as a drinking binge and the late Jimi Hendrix as a heavenly friend of Jesus. [...] :-/ Cheers, Scott.
Post #191,122 by altmann 1/21/05 8:36:58 PM Reply	I like the CNN poll on the topic SpongeBob SquarePants is: \nPromoting the acceptance of homosexuality 11% 20247 votes \nPromoting tolerance and diversity 17% 32795 votes \nAbsorbent, yellow and porous 72% 139660 votes \n -- Chris Altmann
Post #191,132 by Another Scott 1/21/05 10:21:49 PM Reply	:-D
Post #191,129 by Ashton 1/21/05 9:45:40 PM Reply	Wasn't there also a Muppet on the Righteous Hit List?
Post #191,133 by Another Scott 1/21/05 10:31:22 PM Reply	Mustabeen the Swedish "Bork Bork Bork!" Chef. Or maybe it was the [link\|http://www.praize.com/entertainment/Pages/9980104020162.html\|HIV-positive muppet on the SA show]. Or maybe it was [link\|http://www.christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/pre2000/i-muppetsfromspace.html\|Gonzo being kept off Noah's Ark]. Probably the HIV thing, but I have no contemporaneous memory of the issue. Cheers, Scott.
Post #191,147 by Meerkat 1/22/05 3:17:03 AM Reply	Promoting acceptance? We can't have that! Two out of three people wonder where the other one is.
Post #191,152 by Another Scott 1/22/05 10:05:42 AM Reply	That's right. Gotta protect the children. Of course, we can't trust parents to protect their own children though... Cheers, Scott.

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