I'm just not very good at praying out loud in public, but it all worked out, at the point I would have asked her anyway, the preacher was there from her church and we all prayed together in a circle.

And here's an update how it went.

First, we had the wrong information, they didn't actually remove the
lung with the tumor today, instead they removed the lymph node and did
a biopsy on that. However, they ran into some complications when he
started bleeding and had to reopen him (they had already started
closing), and discovered that an artery attached to it was bleeding.
They had to make a longer incision than they had intended in order to
repair that and then closed him up the second time.

His family didn't get to see him for a long time because they had him
on the ventilator and he was so sedated and disoriented and scared
that when they tried to wake him to take him off the ventilator, he
would start to thrash around and grab at the tubes in his chest and
throat. So they had to keep working to do this, and finally came out
and told Debra his wife the situation. They let her in to see him and
she was able to get him to calm down and lie still and they were able
to take him off the ventilator around 2:30 or so, I think. Then he was
moved up to ICU and it was still some time before family members were
able to visit him 2 at a time, sometimes around 4:00 or so. (I'm
guessing at these times because I wasn't really focusing on time a lot
today).

Anyway he'll be in ICU overnight at least and will be staying in the
hospital at least a couple of days. He's stable and was resting
comfortably last I heard. So please keep him in your prayers.

This was a first for me, I've never been in the hospital during an entire surgery procedure (before and after), cause mom always wanted me to be home and acting as Home Base for people to call to. So I had quite an experience, but I'm glad I did it and now I'm exhausted... I was there from 9 something till 5 something.

Anyway, thank you for your support and I'll keep you posted.

Brenda
Nightowl >8#

As it's been really nuts. His daughter was sneaking outside and drinking all day Friday, only we didn't realize it, (she's about my age), and she became beligerent and started trying to harass the receptionist to let her into the recovery room when she wasn't supposed to be there. I was at a loss how to help, it finally took my aunt and sister to corral her when she bolted for the door trying to get inside the recovery area, and then she broke down and cried hysterically.

I know it's silly, but that part almost really got to me, because she was crying she wanted to see her daddy, and well, she's my age and I wondered how I would be feeling... if it were my dad, although I wouldn't have been drinking, that's for sure.

Then Saturday I stayed home from the hospital and tried to take a little break, only to have my other aunt from Florida call me up and harrass me because I wasn't at the hospital finding out everything for everyone. I wanted to go off on her, I wanted to hang up on her, I was in the middle of watching something with my husband, and I told her I was taking a break today and would get back to people later... she really hurt my feelings by saying, break? What did I need a break for, I had no kids and no job, I didn't need no break....

It took all my willpower not to cuss her out or hang up. Instead I offered her the hospital number, and then she told me to call the hospital for her, because it was long distance for her. So I gritted my teeth, hung up, and said ok, called the hospital, didn't get anyone, so I had to call my sister's cell phone which is long distance (Illinois), and then talked to Katie. Then I called the aunt in Florida back and told her everything....

Then get this... the aunt in Florida THEN CALLED THE HOSPITAL herself to find out for herself...... What the F*ck? (Breathe...)

Anyway, then Saturday it got worse yet, my dad and Fred's son, Howard, (who is also around my age and his dad Fred is the one who had the surgery), got into a fight over George Bush, and well... Dad almost decked him, and my dad is 82 years old... Made me glad I wasn't there for that show.

Not sure on what's up today. Fred may go home, but he's still losing blood, he lost 2 units during sugery and 1 over night Friday to Sat, and then 3 more between Sat and Sunday. Now they're saying he's anemic and the cancer might be eating up the blood.

I am trying to take most of today for myself, relax, read my papers, etc, and I started by sleeping for almost ten hours between last night and today.

Anyway, I appreciate the support... and I'm beginning to remember why I started staying away from this batch of family for so long.

Brenda

[Under any circumstances - not just this one] You are never *required* to eat the massive negativity of an utterly self-centered, insensitive sanctimonious clod: on-line, on-fone or face >|< Face.

I realize that Ashton, I was just trying to take into consideration how upset everyone is in the family, and even though she hurt my feelings pretty bad, I tried to tell myself she didn't really mean it.

One need not swear at such; Hell - that's the emotional mindset such a one Lives in, with the hope of spreading it. Why give them what They want? (What does the sadist do to the masochist? Why, nothing at all..

Exactly, so I didn't swear. I was just at the point where it seemed like it might feel good to do. ;) Instead I stayed calm and reasonable.

A simple, "I have no more time to talk to you now. I may ... ?? ... call you back. Sometime."

I did try that, I tried several tactics, including I'll call them later and get back to you, but short of doing what she wanted, nothing was going to make her happy... so I decided doing what she wanted at least in this case, was the best course of action. However, I don't want to start a pattern, so next time I may find another way out of it, if it reoccurrs.

(Nobody Ever likes to feel like a doormat; and you needn't, either. Only by allowing it to happen - can that 'happen'.)

I realize that too, and she wasn't "causing me to feel guilty" I was letting her make me feel guilty... I know that also. And maybe I did feel a little guilty for not being back up at the hospital Saturday, but man, I had barely coped on Friday, and really didn't need more stress Saturday. So I allowed her to give me a guilt trip, because it was niggling at me already about my choice not to go.

Illness, funerals - bring out the character of accidental 'relatives'; sometimes one's mental health requires the permanent cutting-off of contact with the toxic. Y'know?

Well, I can't permanently cut off the relatives, as I'm kinda what you'd call the Family Information Source, being the one who puts out the monthly letter, the Family report, and runs the Yahoo group for them. But yeah, I do intend not to call this particular Aunt for awhile, if I can avoid it. And I also have Caller ID, so I can "avoid" her. ;)

Thanks for the support, Ashton.

Brenda