1. Reality TV. First to go will be "$COUNTRY's Funniest/Stupidest/Craziest/$ADJECTIVEest Criminals/Animals/Drivers/$WTFEVER".
2. Plastic toilet seats.
3. Guns. Get over it.
4. Mobile phone tariffs that take more than 100 words to describe in plain English.
5. White Supremacists who cannot demonstrate their supremacy. This will involve mental, physical and artistic testing. The only people likely to pass are unlikely to be White Supremacists.
6. People who phone up the helpdesk in order to have the online documentation for $APPLICATION read aloud to them. This goes double for programmers. If you're a programmer and you can't work the on-line help, you're banned, baby.
7. People who relate unfunny stories to you while you're trying to concentrate at work.
8. "War on $THINGYOUCANTHAVEAWARON".
9. People who can't operate an apostrophe.
10. SUVs. They're stupid. Buy a proper car. Buy a Land Rover Defender if you really need to go offroad.
11. Chavs. Google it.
12. People who eat hot foul-smelling food in the office, and then bugger off into the test lab for the rest of the afternoon, leaving you with the faint scent of someone else's chicken tikka masala filling your nostrils.
13. People in 100% computer-oriented jobs who have never bothered to learn to type.
14. The indicator stalk in a Vauxhall Vectra.
15. Vauxhall Vectras.
16. Mobile phones that cannot hold a charge for 24 hours, yet have the ability to surf the web and play Doom. Yes, Peter's SPV, I'm looking at YOU.
17. Windows XP's Luna theme^WVisual Style.
18. Skins for software applications. Debug the code, assholes. I don't care what it looks like.
19. CEO salaries in excess of 20x the office cleaner's. No-one's that good or that useful. If you could be replaced by a software program that responds "Yes" or "No" at random, then you're probably a CEO.
20. The free ride that cyclists get on the roads. Get licenced, get insured, get taxed and get out of my way at roundabouts, you ignorant gits.

When I'm World Dictator, I will be commanding my persons of hench (i.e. you, if you're lucky) and my underlings (i.e. you, if you're not) to identify additional ban-worthy items. You may find it saves time to do this now in the space provided when you click "reply".

Warm in winter, cool in summer. Essential for The Reading Room.

Phones & keyboards are minging, basically.

And no, "The American Electoral Process" doesn't count.

Report to the Office Of Dictatorial Bannedness to find out which website you're designing spinning skulls and marquees for.

Mark my words, you will rue the day that you heard the words "Webring" and "My cool links".

You will be in 1996 Frontpage Express Web Hell FOREVER.