But the key word is "some"...
Some people are horrible, some things about the country are horrible, some friends turn out to be liars and cheats (had personal experience there), some institutions crumble, others survive, and some people CAN be trusted.
It's that difference, that word "some" that gives people hope. I'm not afraid to face the truth at all. I'm scared to death to go downtown in broad daylight. I know not all people are good and very bad things happen everywhere. And yes, it makes you feel bad that you aren't even brave enough to go downtown by yourself, but on the other hand, you are seeing the reality.
It's finding even one person who isn't horrible, or one person who is honest or one institution that doesn't screw you over, that makes it all worth it.
I'm not really blaming myself anymore. I used to, I listened to everyone who blamed me. I thought I was put on earth to be kicked around, put down and treated bad. Thank God I woke up, and I realized I had just as much value as anyone else. I'm just still adjusting to that realization, and trying to overcome years of believing I was worthless. And I feel I am making progress, because every day I feel better and better about myself, who I am, and what I do. But I'm a long long way from admiring myself in the mirror, if ever. I don't think I'll ever want to do that.
I consider it a major breakthrough that you and I can even have a reasonable conversation, which I feel we are. I considered it a breakthrough today when Marlowe told me, "That's fair" in response to something I had said. Like you said, in so many words, if I considered either a hopeless cause, I'd abandon it.
Nightowl >8#
Edit: corrected spelling of Marlowe.
"To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are."
Eric Hoffer
Edited by
Nightowl
Feb. 6, 2004, 02:12:02 AM EST
