You don't know me

you only know what I have posted. I am so much more than my posts led you to believe.

I do not fear solitude, in fact I do require some time to myself without the family or friends. I cannot exist like that all the time, so I need some time with family and friends.

Family is important, so are friends. They can help you out and you can help them out. Imagine if deSitter and I did not fight in the forums. I could download and give him CDRs that he cannot download on his dial-up, and I can go to Karokee nights with him and attempt to try and sing. Instead he drives me away with his meaness. We haven't sent each other emails in quite some time. Last I knew I was buring SuSE 8.2 CDRs and W2K SP4 CDR disk for him, but then he went ballistic on me. I am not sure what to do now. Do I dare attempt to meet with him, knowing how hostile he has been to me, or do I wait for a time that he can cool down? If in fact he does cool down?

Are you telling me to become mean and drive everyone away from my life like deSitter has? No thanks, I'd rather take my medicines and see doctors for the rest of my life. There is no quick cure, deSitter has turned his depression into anger and hate, and that is how he deals with it. He has traded one problem for another. One of the worst things that can be done with a depression. The worst is sucidal tendacies.

You have a good heart, Norman. You get shat upon when you embark on stuff you haven't done your homework on - like the bit about ID. And that's a red flag to those who find the same sort of weak arguments all around us, on many hot button 'issues'. At that moment - you sort of symbolize.. the rather sorry state of communication almost everywhere (at least that's my theory).

Yours and deS's styles, interests are quite different - I don't know if you could cut each other enough slack. Yes, it would be nice if the both of you could lay off judgments long enough to have a beer and throw some darts. Neither of you is malevolent, and I think you understand that his proddings are not meant to injure.. it's good that you can see that. I don't know what it would take to "clear the slate". Maybe a time-out period, instead of any more one-sided 'debate' (?)

It's also true that no one else can 'picture' how it is your mind is playing tricks on you -- but notice that when you are improving, people do / have congratulated you upon that.

No, I certainly don't mean to suggest "that you become mean" (and if I did, why should you listen, anyway?) I greatly mistrust the extremely widespread doping (now extended to millions of children) as much as does deS. I believe this represents an abdication of patient, personal attention - that it is largely an economic choice, one which characterizes these times of massive Corporate greed in the ascension. That attention costs $, and I understand that you don't have those.

I also cannot walk in your moccasins. I know someone else (who feels as I do re the ez-dope path) yet who occasionally needs some of this dope. She hates doing it, but she knows her own body, limitations, better than anyone (and certainly better than a rent-a-Dr. from some HMO). Perhaps you are in a similar fix.

It is vital to pay close attention to dosages of any of these powerful drugs, so as to take the minimum dose as works; and as infrequently as you can get away with. If you can pay that much attention - I hope you will. That means keeping a record in whatever shorthand you can create. Only you can have enough patience to do that well.

Meanwhile, you've probably got the more important part right - nobody here 'hates' you (or Owlet); simply - if you play in the debate game, you'll be dissed if you haven't the cards you bid.. y'know?

Peace,
I.

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