And that's exactly why you are so alone.

You were born 'alone' and shall die 'alone'.
No two persons experience this illusionary-world identically.
Few will look deeply enough to accept that solitude is a Necessity, if you are ever to learn What you are. (A most unPopular idea in the 24/7 noise culture)

It may be comforting to believe otherwise, and it is certainly a popular comfort. No book or pharm-chem profit-leader will substitute for Experience of yourself. Yet, that is so rare..

I don't know what Norm's specific meds do (but I've sampled a few alkaloids, and can guess some of it). Norman will work it out or he won't - but he will still leave as he came into this illusion. To tell anyone otherwise is.. euphemism. (A really Popular thing in Murican culture, that.)

To fear solitude is to fear Life. This may explain briefest of all: what is most-Fucked in Murican culture and its shallow religiosity -- but only, if you find out for Yourself.

(You could.. do that, Norman. What have you got to lose? except the nameless dread: and that you could get rid of, once and for all.)

Ashton

You have a good heart, Norman. You get shat upon when you embark on stuff you haven't done your homework on - like the bit about ID. And that's a red flag to those who find the same sort of weak arguments all around us, on many hot button 'issues'. At that moment - you sort of symbolize.. the rather sorry state of communication almost everywhere (at least that's my theory).

Yours and deS's styles, interests are quite different - I don't know if you could cut each other enough slack. Yes, it would be nice if the both of you could lay off judgments long enough to have a beer and throw some darts. Neither of you is malevolent, and I think you understand that his proddings are not meant to injure.. it's good that you can see that. I don't know what it would take to "clear the slate". Maybe a time-out period, instead of any more one-sided 'debate' (?)

It's also true that no one else can 'picture' how it is your mind is playing tricks on you -- but notice that when you are improving, people do / have congratulated you upon that.

No, I certainly don't mean to suggest "that you become mean" (and if I did, why should you listen, anyway?) I greatly mistrust the extremely widespread doping (now extended to millions of children) as much as does deS. I believe this represents an abdication of patient, personal attention - that it is largely an economic choice, one which characterizes these times of massive Corporate greed in the ascension. That attention costs $, and I understand that you don't have those.

I also cannot walk in your moccasins. I know someone else (who feels as I do re the ez-dope path) yet who occasionally needs some of this dope. She hates doing it, but she knows her own body, limitations, better than anyone (and certainly better than a rent-a-Dr. from some HMO). Perhaps you are in a similar fix.

It is vital to pay close attention to dosages of any of these powerful drugs, so as to take the minimum dose as works; and as infrequently as you can get away with. If you can pay that much attention - I hope you will. That means keeping a record in whatever shorthand you can create. Only you can have enough patience to do that well.

Meanwhile, you've probably got the more important part right - nobody here 'hates' you (or Owlet); simply - if you play in the debate game, you'll be dissed if you haven't the cards you bid.. y'know?


Peace,
I.