1) Foobar leg beyond description. This cuts down on visits to the store and eliminates visits to the tavern. Beer consumption drops off scale low.

2) Lay in bed in pain for days hopped up on painkillers. This eliminates what little is left of your appetite.

3) Live on canned vegetable-chicken soup and cupcakes, with occcasional V8 for vitamins.

4) Switch to soda from coffee. You just can't drink much soda, the way you can guzzle coffee with cream and sugar.

Should I write a diet book?