Stop now if you've already heard it. This may be apocryphal, but as with all apocryphies[1] it's plausible.

There was an army cook in Viet Nam. As with most people who cook lots of eggs, he generally cracked them right on the grill surface, two at a time, one in each hand. One morning he had let the grill heat up too long, or had used too much oil, or both. When he cracked the first two eggs, the grease and cracked eggs splashed up into his face. He went to the base medical tent where they flushed his eyes and made sure there were no foreign bits left in them.

Flash forward three months, when the base commander gets his regular shipment of Purple Heart citations to award, and there is one for the cook. No one can figure out why, as no one had put him in for one. Apparently someone higher up the chain of command had seen the doctor's report and submitted him for the citation. What did the report say? "Removed shell fragments from patient's eyes."


[1] Yeah, I made that word up. What are you gonna do about it?