...pretty damn literal: "You haven't lost a daughter, but gained a son". I mean, he's still a fucking *kid*, no two ways about it.

Therefore, if I were you I wouldn't "feel bad" or "like you're intruding on his parents' territory" if you try to turn him into something approaching a human being -- if they haven't managed to give him any sense of "plans, dreams, or personal hygiene" in eighteen years, you're pretty damn justified in concluding they've fallen asleeep on the job, AFAICS.

Another thing, I'm a great believer in the old "(if you weren't one before,) joining the Army will make a man out of you" thingy. And IMO, you're pretty much in a moral position to *demand* some shit of him. So my advice would be: No more "not sure whether he's going the full shot or Reserves" -- just *tell* him which it's gonna be!



(YMMV, IANAL, IANAP, IANASC, IANAMD, ETC -- but you knew all that already. Just in case you told us this because you wanted to know what we think, like; now you know what I think.)