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Been havin' a lot of nightmares lately. Typical apocolyptic, end of the world crap that ends with my death. About one every 2-3 nights, and I can't get back to sleep after that. I've been slacking off in my classes, blowing off work, blowing off housework, blowing off everything but steam.

Lack of sleep is a bad thing - and perhaps what you should take care of first. If you are having nightmares, perhaps it is because your mind needs to. The analogy I've always held is that the mind (perhaps the wetware, too) is doing maintenance on itself, and dreams are side-effects of that. They don't necessarily need to make sense; they don't need to connect with the waking world. I know it's a cliche, but try warm milk. Perhaps try sleeping in a different spot for a few nights!
I'm beginning to feel more and more like there is no hope for humanity. Witness the bullshit in Israel (still going on), Yugoslavia, now in Central America (2-3 nations complaining that each is planning to invade the other), United States (Cameras, lawsuits, corporate ownership of damn near everything), Shrub, hell, the world just does not make me feel like we have another 100 years. Rome is falling, and the Dark Ages are coming.

So what's the point of trying?

The world, IMO, is doing what it always does - go on.

So - what's the point? Why put any effort into anything?

For yourself. For those you care for. For possibilities. Humanity's hope comes from those that don't 'give up' - those that make the effort even when it doesn't seem necessary, or 'worth it'.

Of course, it's hard when you care about 'things'. Worse when you care about concepts... Disappointment is always going to occur when you compare your version of what should be to what is. Take some time to actually notice, and savor the things in life you enjoy! It's prolly a good thing if your 'local perspective' holds a more important place in your life than political/philisophical constructs, and things you can't immediately affect.
I'm trying to hold on - to keep fighting the good fight, telling myself that no matter what happens, I'll maintain my honor if I try.
It sounds like you are getting to repel a charge of machine-gun-toting fascists *grin*
But I'm working at Microsoft AGAIN, I don't see any way that I can make significant change in the world with the line of work I've picked,
Work is a tool. You use it how you can, and if it's not the tool you need to make a signifigant change in the world, well, so what? It puts food on the table, no? If you really do feel the need to change the world, well, so what if you can't use your job as a vehicle for that?
and I'm feeling further and further lost each day. And I can't find my way back.

Lost? Find your way back - where?

Remember, to quote Buckaroo Banzai: "No matter where you go, there you are!"

Imric's Tips for Living
  • Paranoia Is a Survival Trait
  • Pessimists are never disappointed - but sometimes, if they are very lucky, they can be pleasantly surprised...
  • Even though everyone is out to get you, it doesn't matter unless you let them win.
New The right solution to a world with nothing of worth is...
Create something that is worthwhile.

Sure it won't be permanent. Nothing built by human hands is.

But when I believe that transitory things are not worthwhile, I will stop listening to music...

Cheers,
Ben
New *smile*
I agree! The problem is the definition of 'worthwhile'. I just don't think that the measure of worthwhile should be external....

Imric's Tips for Living
  • Paranoia Is a Survival Trait
  • Pessimists are never disappointed - but sometimes, if they are very lucky, they can be pleasantly surprised...
  • Even though everyone is out to get you, it doesn't matter unless you let them win.
New We know what isn't, maybe (Ozymandias of Egypt?)
Behold! ye mighty and despair!
.
...and all about lay ruins..


My sense is that our culture is somewhat afraid of silence, constantly mistakes solitude for aloneness - fears silence so much that - there is elevator unmusic noise everywhere, everywhen.

The magic within the horror of the JFK asassination was - the (now) memorable *silences* as the camera showed the Rotunda or whatever: people *apologized* for breaking that silence, with some new factoid. The networks Shut Up for more than three days! The talking heads desisted, became minimalists when that seemed appropriate.

Maybe missing in childhood more and more? the quietness of being read to! (via the 24/7 office; the need for two parents to bring home a lesser paycheck than one did, 20 years ago - as Corps further intrude into all of the 24 hrs. as temps are sought, benefits reduced - and no National health care exists, Still. yada yada.)

Makes everone twitchy. (Were I ill, I would be twitchy too: no matter how much you think you saved: Your Money or Your Life.) No one can save as fast as an AMA org can spend!

Fortunately music can heal whatever.. probably the effects of sleep-deprived dreaming also. The solitude will have to be discovered later, if it was missed in the middle.


Cheers,

A.

(It's *All* inside! The 'outside' simply wouldn't exist if it weren't perceived Inside) Basic Dark Star 101
:-\ufffd
New Well, seems to me that if what Ozymandias . . .
. . thought worthwhile was to be remembered, he succeeded damned well. 3000 years or so is more than most manage - and now, preserved in literature, his memory is likely to last as long as Western civilization (three or four weeks more at least).
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
New Arrhh.. Arrhh... Blast yer eyes! ya scurvy scow flotsam -
Grygus Unfair to Simile Writers!

Strike! Dump his namby-pamby Eunuchs machines for New Professional ones..

Well of course he did - because of the happy accident of Erato, the Muse of Lyric Poetry + Keats and the ephemeral Arts. But not via his er (sorry) paradigm at all!

*Keats* is the immortal - he a mere vehicle, a tiny bauble of failed Ambition - existing as a barnacle on that large Vessel. A mere Butt for future generations' obloquy!

So There. :-\ufffd


er re the 3 weeks: See Science forum. Can we make it to 60 years after Alamogordo / Trinity ?
56 years, one month, 2 days and counting... .. .
New I'm sure Ozymandias used poets . . .
. . . for his own aggrandizement while he was alive, too. Alas, their works were too fragile to survive. In the long run, the stone masons did a better job, passing his name on to another generation of poets who's own work has been committed to acidic pulp and magnetic media.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
New Cackle.. cackle..
Ozymandias as Waggener-Edstrommmm-BC, a plannin his search for Market Share\ufffd..... maybe he even wore a er tie? blue-serge armor.
     Not doin' too well... - (inthane-chan) - (43)
         You can't fix everything. - (admin)
         Well.. (a decidedly good direction) - (Ashton)
         You're being overwhelmed by the media - (wharris2) - (2)
             I'll have to second this - (drewk) - (1)
                 hands clapping (nt) -NT - (wharris2)
         Stop taking life so seriously. - (Andrew Grygus) - (1)
             Yup. That too. -NT - (Ashton)
         And even if "Rome" *does* "fall", remember: - (CRConrad)
         Get away for a day. Take a walk in the woods. - (Another Scott)
         turn off the tube - (boxley)
         Re: Not doin' too well... - (pwhysall)
         Cheap Advice or Advice is cheap - (jbrabeck)
         Well... - (inthane-chan) - (3)
             You can add... - (bepatient) - (2)
                 Agreed! - (jlalexander) - (1)
                     Don't get me wrong... - (bepatient)
         Lots of good advice given. - (a6l6e6x) - (6)
             On that friend note. - (inthane-chan) - (5)
                 a friend will help you move - (boxley) - (4)
                     You get the lime, I'll bring my own shovel, OK? - (CRConrad) - (3)
                         Got some space here.. but mind you - - (Ashton) - (2)
                             What with Hiaasen being a (or _the_?) Florida writer... - (CRConrad) - (1)
                                 chained under the mangrove roots - (boxley)
         Unfortunately, I don't recall your religious persuasion... - (static) - (6)
             (All Honneamise did was make me angry) - (Meerkat) - (5)
                 Look at the *bright* side indeed.. - (Ashton) - (1)
                     waal his older stuff was good - (boxley)
                 Notice I've never suggested you endure it again. - (static) - (2)
                     Saw it, liked it. - (inthane-chan) - (1)
                         Ah. Thought you might have. - (static)
         Compared to? - (imric) - (7)
             The right solution to a world with nothing of worth is... - (ben_tilly) - (6)
                 *smile* - (imric) - (5)
                     We know what isn't, maybe (Ozymandias of Egypt?) - (Ashton) - (4)
                         Well, seems to me that if what Ozymandias . . . - (Andrew Grygus) - (3)
                             Arrhh.. Arrhh... Blast yer eyes! ya scurvy scow flotsam - - (Ashton) - (2)
                                 I'm sure Ozymandias used poets . . . - (Andrew Grygus) - (1)
                                     Cackle.. cackle.. - (Ashton)
         Some ideas that work for me - (mhuber)
         The best way to feel good about yourself - (DonRichards) - (3)
             100% agreement - (Yendor)
             2nd that notion - (cforde) - (1)
                 re that dearth of biz-'appreciation' - (Ashton)

Whoops, this one's a bit vulgar.
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