• The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

  • The New York Times is read by the people who think they run the country.

  • The Washington Post is read by the people who think they should run the country.

  • USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The Washington Post.

  • The Boston Globe is read by the people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

  • The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they get a seat on the train.

  • The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.

  • The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

  • The Charlotte Observer is read by people who read The New York Times on Sunday to complain about why The Charlotte Observer isn't The New York Times.