This just out, for Gamers: *Pain Station* debuts!
[see bottom for source of this pre-leak leak]
The RIAA Trustworthy Promotions bureau announced yesterday:
While certain \ufffd matters remain to be worked out, a module has been developed to enhance the Play Station\ufffd. Initially to be marketed with a Nationwide ad blitz, It's a Scream! ... Pain Station\ufffd features an 'administration' repertoire ranging from mild thru excruciating electric shock.. to physical lashing of the player's wrist (from 100 --> 1M-joules) . Early testers report a deeply satisfying personal experience.
While the winner is, of course - the last player to concede that it hurts too much, tests confirm that few players wish to be seen resigning - in public.
Accordingly, added to the accessory kit for retail models will be a polyethylene-cyanate fluid-proof tablecover with a selection of fav slogans and Logos (although the very Popular No Pain No Gain slogan has already been \ufffd 1991 - Microsloth Corporation).
The accessory is needed (along with upgrade kits to er 'waterproof' the various controllers and mice) because of the frequency of minor blood leaks pretty much all over. While only a few arterial issues have been noticed - a chit for one free HMO treatment is an added inducement in the New-to-Pain? Intro kit.
Already, industry players have expressed interest in practical applications. A Redmond WA executive (who did not wish to be identified. Or found.) said, "Yes, this just may be the crucial ingredient in the development of our training courses for C##2 and especially... to revive interest in our somewhat underappreciated dot-nyet Way-of-Life Package."
In Washington, the West Wing staff sees possibilities of assuring full attention to the now familiar Fireside Warnings\ufffd of the Chief Selected Officer; a possible aid too in deciphering the C-- syntax via increased 'rewards': (lower voltages) for correctly guessing the intended meaning.
The DOJ expressed interest in a
Bras-for-Statues + Don't Fall Asleep When the AG Speaks bundle - mandatory for any airport wannabe passengers (especially under the Fly Naked, You Fucking maybe-Terrorist Grandma Rules announced Thursday).
A co-marketing deal with Eminem is said to be in the works - where each of his colorful words (for the human female) is associated with a particularly novel combination of the electric and mechanical stimuli - in an add-on Pain/Fuck-Innovation Upgrade Kit. Teens can't Wait for this one, our survey reveals.
Universities have sent for evaluation units, and a deal is rumored for making available the accessories to all entering Freshmen students and their instructors. (Econ professors are said to be ecstatic at prospects of attracting other than drab Dismal Science candidates, next..)
It appears that the testing labs have confirmed that the Mega-Hurtz values claimed by the manufacturer, G\ufffdebbels Genetics LLC - meet their claimed specs. Given the lines already forming at First-Flagellation Designated Outlets - we predict a great Success for Pain Station !!!
\ufffd 2002 RIAA-Wagg-Edd-The Dog Innovations
Disclaimer: this announcement was leaked on today's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me! NPR broadcast, spoiling the National Surprise intended. You heard it here: first.
