Longtime members may recall my dispatches over the years from the War Against the Mice. After years of apparent peace along the DMZ, the wily foe appears this week to be probing our defenses. Regrettably, the forces of complacency and appeasement have permitted the arsenal here to become depleted, and when we deployed defensive measures last night we were obliged to have recourse to obsolete technology: the imperfectly responsive Thunderfucker Mark I™ series of traps. These have been deployed and licked clean overnight by the nimble-fingered foe without triggering the Jaws of Death. We have now goosed defense spending—certain domestic sacrifices will have to be made, but the important thing is to Make Harrison Street Great Again—and implemented the Thunderfucker Mark IX Electrodeath Deluxe™ technology. Unless the fucking mouse has positively gorged itself on peanut butter today, I hope to report that there will be no joy in Mouseville this evening.

militantly,