So, about twenty years ago I used a Bank of America Visa card to purchase gasoline. This kind of transaction was unprecedented, and although it went through I returned home that evening to find an anxious message on my answering machine: had I in fact purchased fuel in Point Reyes Station earlier in the day? I had, I responded, and thanks for asking.

This was, like, 1992 or 1993.

Artificial Intelligence has come a long way since then.

So why, I wonder, did Chase Bank's AI sleep through these considerations?

The account holder was 93 years old.
The account holder had no record whatsoever of online transactions.
The account holder's most recent charges had all been for ambulances and hospitals.

Jesus fucking Christ on an Intel 8008, HAL, but surely we can do better than this in CE 2015, can't we?

(shakes head),

Given that, surely the algorithms ought to have advanced in two decades? I mean, Chase is going to wind up eating these charges if they don't want their nearest branch firebombed*, the deductible of which will surely amount to more than $200. The technology that will make this post blip faintly at the NSA ought to have been able to register the irregular transactions at the end of der Alte's life, nicht?

cordially,

*Note to NSA: Kidding. Kidding! Geez, we didn't used to be afraid that this sort of thing would put us in Gitmo. Good thing we live in The Land of the Free—not.

I will do as much paperwork as is required. Chase will not get a single fucking penny.