It's back to life. After leaving it alone overnight, I brought it with me to work in case I could find someone to look at it. Plugged it in in the car just for the hell of it and it started charging. Got to work and it starts and charges normally.
Only problem now is it's not recognizing the SIM. But that I think I can fix. When I took it apart to look for visible damage I think I didn't re-seat the tray properly. Soon as I get home I'll try again.
I'm glad I didn't see any deals last night that were so amazing I pulled the trigger. The newer devices are better, but not so much better at what I usually do to be worth it.
[edit] Yup, re-seated the SIM card holder and it works again. It was raining that night, maybe I just got it wet.