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New Wasn't sure exactly where to put this one, but it is funny
From the judgement rendered by Judge Samuel B. Kent, United States district judge: And this appears to be entirely legit!

(for the whole story, see [link|http://www.nationalreview.com/document/document073001.shtml|this transcript])

Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact - complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words - to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions.

With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor's edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins.

....

Defendant begins the descent into Alice's Wonderland by submitting a Motion that relies upon only one legal authority. The Motion cites a Fifth Circuit case which stands for the whopping proposition that a federal court sitting in Texas applies the Texas statutes of limitations to certain state and federal law claims. That is all well and good - the Court is quite fond of the Erie doctrine; indeed there is talk of little else around both the Canal and this Court's water cooler. Defendant, however, does not even cite to Erie, but to a mere successor case, and further fails to even begin to analyze why the Court should approach the shores of Erie.

Finally, Defendant does not even provide a cite to its desired Texas limitation statute. A more bumbling approach is difficult to conceive - but wait folks. There's More!

....

Plaintiff's citation, however, points to a nonexistent Volume "1886" of the Federal Reporter Third Edition and neglects to provide a pinpoint citation for what, after being located, turned out to be a forty-page decision. Ultimately, to the Court's dismay after reviewing the opinion, it stands simply for the bombshell proposition that torts committed on navigable waters (in this case an alleged defamation committed by the controversial G. Gordon Liddy aboard a cruise ship at sea) require the application of general maritime rather than state tort law. See Wells v. Liddy, 186 F.3d 505, 524 (4th Cir. 1999) (What the ..)?!

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You have got to read the entire thing, it's too rich.
French Zombies are zapping me with lasers!
New Belongs in Religion: There IS a Legal-God :-\ufffd
Hilarious!

Ah.. to find such drollery in the hallowed caverns of Justice! One with the wits AND the guts to just use them, uncloaked by turgid wherefores and parties of the second-part..

Should be printed, saved in glove compartment:
If ever stopped for a 'weak L. turn signal' in a bucolic speed trap - submit it as precedent: Your honor, I believe this constable's case against me - is significantly weaker than This landmark decision. I ask the court for summary judgment, on grounds of incredibility..


Cackle.. Cackle..
     Wasn't sure exactly where to put this one, but it is funny - (wharris2) - (1)
         Belongs in Religion: There IS a Legal-God :-\ufffd - (Ashton)

Keep a mild groove on.
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