What I wanted to do this year (but my wife won't let me)
Put a big cross up in the front yard for easter. With Peter Cottontail crucified on it. I don't know why she won't let me.
Actually, true story: There's a lady on our street who puts up a huge manger display each Christmas. As of last night, though the figures are gone the manger itself is still there. And it's filled with foot-long lighted easter eggs.
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I can't be a Democrat because I like to spend the money I make.
I can't be a Republican because I like to spend the money I make on drugs and whores.