Tell him he's a fuckwit.
And that your way is the way real programmers do it.
Reiterate that -- tell him that, as apparently opposed to him, you know several of us.
And since he obviously isn't one, he should just let you do your job.
Ask him if he really thinks he's better at your job than you are.
When he says, "Yes", laugh hysterically.
Tell him again, what a fuckwit he is.
Then, after he's fired you, use him as a negative-reference: Ask your next prospective employer, "Are you anything like that guy? 'Cuz then I wouldn't want to work for you!"
HTH!
(OK, probably not... How about this then -- call the table "groop"?)