I have a cat that spent a day in the attic, rolling in fiber glass.

I can't touch it without getting itchy.

Gotta give it a bath.

Never gave this one a bath before.

As the tub started to fill, I realised I was missing Rescue Me. Oh well.

Grab cat.

Go to bathroom.

Close the door.

Rub a bit of shampoo on cat.

Toss cat in tub.

Cat bounces back.

Try again, but this time it's soapy.

As it bounces out, try to grab it.

Mistake.

Cat sinks a claw into the tip of my right ring finger.

FUCK!

Not just a puncture, a decent slice.

Start bleeding.

How much fucking blood can such a small finger produce?

Lots.

Toss cat in, quickly slam the door.

This is a glass walled double door tub.

Cat starts pulling open the door.

Brace myself against both doors. But I have no handle on one, not even an edge. I'm pressing against glass, and I'm soapy. The cat has a better grip than I do.

Cat gets a paw out, I shove it back in, close the door.

Cat starts launching itself vertically, up the side of the tub, catching the hand rail for a 2nd boost, bouncing up and down, nearing the top.

I'm gonna be mightily fucked if a wet ball of clawed fury comes over the top onto my head.

Bounce, scrabble, scrabble, scrabble, bounce, bounce.

Cat is screaming the whole time.

MMMMMRRRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!

Cat starts to tire.

Hey, maybe I can scrub it now.

Open the door, reach in, cat launches past me, I'm not dumb enough to try to stop it.

Every time it comes out, it has nowhere to go, so I've got about 3 seconds of grabbing by the scruff and tossing it back in before it turns on me.

Toss it back.

Go out and get the step stool.

The water has been running from the faucet. I need it to come from the hand held water massage.

Open door.

Cat bounces out.

I reach in to change the water to go up.

Toss the cat back in, close the door, get on the stool, grab the water massage.

MWWWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Spray cat from safe distance from above.

Open the door, cat bounces out, put more shampoo on, toss back in.

Lather, rinse, repeat several more times.

I'm sweaty and bloody, but goddamn it, I've got a clean cat.