I recall my car accident, and Uncle Buddie's funeral that I missed because I had gotten hurt. I have a history of blackouts and panic attacks myself. I was also thought to have Asperger Syndrome, but it is actually schizoid personality disorder which I am learning more about and it explains my actions online and in real life. I just cannot get social clues and have good relationships, and I stay at home most of the time and don't get out much. I feel like an observer rather than a participant, and I do feel sorry for all the bad things I've done, but I cannot change the past.

What I did figure out, and maybe it will help you, is that I learned how to be a survivor rather than a victim. That I cannot change others, but maybe I can change myself and the way I react to things. That maybe I can survive my mental and physical illnesses and make some improvements. That maybe I have to give up trying to join online communities until I can get my mind straighted out and stop doing those annoying things that upset everyone. I don't expect to be very active here. I don't expect anyone here to forgive me and become my friend again. I just expect to maybe change myself enough so that I can bring peace of mind and goodwill instead of being an Internet troll and bring about annoyance and bad things.

Anyway good luck to you and everyone else here. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.