Just so you don't miss me...
Three men meet up on the deck of the rapidly sinking Titanic, a Lawyer, a Catholic Priest and a Social Worker.
They notice that there are only three seats left on the last lifeboat and there are three children standing nearby.
Social worker - "We should give these seats to the children". Lawyer - "Dont be stupid, fuck the children!" Catholic priest - "Do you really think we've got time"?
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the
"accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful
rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind. As he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and
saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so
scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder
again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as
he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He
rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him
raising his paw to kill him.
At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped.
The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped moving.
A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying,
"You deny my existence all of these years, teach others I don't exist and
even credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist, ever prideful, looked into the light and said "it would be
rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but
could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well", said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, the
sounds of the forest continued and the bear put his paw down.
The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Lord I
thank you for this food which I am about to receive.