Light dawns...SIL is behaving like a female Orion! And that is a known factor that I have *much* experience in handling!

BEN:
PS This woman sounds like a real piece of work.


She is, Ben, the things that she says to and about people and in front of other people are just shocking at times. But now that I know what I'm dealing with, I think I have a way to shut this down to a small trickle.

I can't ever handle her like Orion, all though I wish, hehehe, because completely cutting her out of my life isn't an option if I want to maintain any family unity. But she has clearly stated now that she isn't interested in "fixing" the relationship, so now I know exactly what to do.

Another Scott:
I don't know enough about her to know whether she's genuinely trying to help or whether she enjoys "correcting" others. Either way, it doesn't really matter. Shrug it off and move on. Your writing is fine.Life's too short to be worried by such criticism. ;-)


Okay, well now we KNOW. She says she enjoys helping, but she also corrects everyone. Not only that, but her most recent letter makes it clear that she still won't allow me to have my own opinion. Ex, a quote from her letter: "On another point: I don\ufffdt feel the need to \ufffdconsciously [agree] to disagree\ufffd. It implies that I will be happy with your opinion. And that is not necessarily the case."

I looked it up, my brother married her in 1990. Do you realize that I've been putting up with this woman's antics for 15 years, without ever feeling free to tell her what I think, how I feel, and to stay out of my business? This was because mom would beg me not to, not to rock the boat, not to cause problems. Well I've been UNLEASHED! I can say what I want where I want and how I want to SIL, and that is now the plan. And that feels healthy, unlike the rest.

And that doesn't mean I'm going to fight with her, nor does it mean I'm going to have a long drawn out battle, either. What it means is she is now in the category of Orion, and will be treated as such:

Example: She tried to comment about the reasonable accomodations I expect from in a work place (per my disability), and then went on to state I was unhirable.

My reply was simple: "My ability to work or not and the accomodations thereof regarding being employed, (not regarding anything else), is not for you to be involved in and I will not discuss it further."

I've been on IWT a long time now. I've learned ways to "shut down an argument: without casting bait to continue it. I've learned ways from you all to stop a fight and not necessarily lose, and I've learned how to take steps to counter someone who is constantly on my back about something.

I intend to take all this newly found knowledge and sic it on SIL.. and she won't know what hit her. After 15 years of giving in, cowtowing to her, and being badgered over the head till she wins, she's about to meet the REAL Owl.

And I promise, this won't be at the expense of my health or anything else. I am no longer really upset, if that explains anything. Instead I finally feel in control of my emotions where she is concerned, and simply don't give a damn anymore about trying to please her or bending over backwards for her. No more, I'm DONE.

So after I get to say all the things I've wanted to say to her for years, (which shouldn't take too long, because she's had many repeat behaviors), Then I can shut her down to the level of a less close family member, someone I have to deal with on a family basis, and hopefully a working relationship that functions only for the Reunion Committee.

Box:
what part of "oh fine you write the dam thing"does your SIL not understand? /me would be washing my hands of the whole shiteree about now and watch sports on TV instead.Epistle, Epiphany "I have recieved the insight from my higher power to say "Fuck you, thank you very much""


Actually Box, that was such a good idea, that I talked to Katie about it, and she is willing to take the Family Report part off my hands. That leaves me with just my monthly letter, which was never created for the family, and is mine and mine alone. So hopefully very soon, they can be writing it themselves, and I will only be writing the main letters for the Reunion, of which there are only three a year.

I won't tell her to Fuck off, at least probably not, but I'm working on good phrases that say the same thing without the cussing. Sentences that shut her down... example she wrote: "...you are so difficult to deal with!

My reply? "Don't deal with me then!"

And regarding the sports, this mess has already caused me to miss hearing two Penguin Pre-Season Games, and miss seeing MOST of my Steeler Game on Network TV yesterday.... so By God, it SHALL BE STOPPED.

Hnick:
You're fine, but giving her too much time. If you don't have to scrape her off your shoe, ignore her.


Completely agree, the four of us in the committee have been dealing with this ever since july 17th. My mom's heart has been racing, my aunt Katie's blood pressure has been skyrocketing, and I've been taking more Xanax in a space of two months than I have taken in years.

None of us need this stress.

Thanks all, for your input!

Brenda