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New I would immediately give her a number I made up on the spot
I would be able to remeber it for the length of the conversation so I could repeat it later when she was checking to see if I was lying.
I dont get confrontational as much as I dont put up with her shit.

She called me at work 1/2 way thru her last visit to say she was leaving. Apparently she told my wife "dont yell at me" as they were arguing. Now at that point my wife Started to yell. I guess even with the hearing aid turned off the increased volume made her realize she had stepped over a major boundry.
I told her to have a nice trip and called my sis to let her know she was on the way back.

About one visit every 3 years for a week or less is all we can take.
My brothers figure to torture their children by inflicting gramma onto them and my sister and her have been managing each other for years.

She is harmless to herself and other but you aint seen nuthin till you see ma in full attack mode

My deceased wife had epilepsy controlled by barbituates. Now she hated the pills and would occationally have a grand mal siezure. I would notice when she took a holiday with the phenobarbital and try to keep an eye on her.

Ma was visiting, wife goes into a gran mal

Ma was on her like a pitbull on a poodle slamming her head into the floor screaming "In Jesus Name get out Satan!!"

Gotta drag Ma off and help wife remain comfortable while the angel of obnoxious pat robertism was attempting to get back into battle

Ma, I told you she has a disease
"Ive know the cure to a possesion when I see one" she spits
any more stories ya wanta swap?
thanx,
bill

"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli

Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
New ! Get to work on that book, will you! :-)
New Story swapping
How about the time when I was 6 years old and I got pissed at my brother who was teasing me incessantly, so I picked up the nearest object, which was a wire coathanger,and threw it at him. She SAT ON TOP OF ME and beat the living shit out of me. Slapped me in the face, whipped my hands and bruised me from stem to stern. She was 29 years old. From that point on, I started abusing food then started having migraine headaches by the time I was 8. 3 days in the hospital and the diagnosis was "suppressed anger". This was 1970. Instead of getting me some help as to why I was angry, I was sent home.

It took me until just last January to get healed. Apparently, I learned from the incident that anger=bad. Also, it was traumatic enough to trigger bi-polar disorder (which runs in the family, doncha know), from which I suffered until was finally dx'ed 3 years ago. I am finally on meds and "graduated" from therapy about a month ago.

No longer will that bitch fuck with my head. She is history. I only maintain contact to shut her up. And, believe me, keeping her away is not too easy considering she only lives 5 miles away (and my sister lives on the same street as I do. It makes it too convenient for her to stop by here and then go to my sister's house.) She treats my husband like shit. Nevermind that we have been married for 22 years and are HAPPY. Bro and sis both have been divorced and remarried. (Sis is divorced again, but still in an abusive relationship with her ex.)

Quite frankly, our "mothers" are cut from the same cloth. Cloth that needs to be cut up into rags and tossed in the trash.

Thanks for the moral support. I'm not glad that we share a common problem, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. Misery loves company.

Hugs,
a.

" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd

Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
New You've done well. Hang in there.
New (((((((Scott))))))))
Thank you, dear Scott. Your encouragement is much appreciated. Thank you for being my friend.

Peace,
Amy

" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd

Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
New :-)
New Rageaholics.
Have some experience of a couple of those, and some experience of 'cutting|off' a diseased limb of the "family" tree. In Tree pruning -hindsight- I can only say that, having made that decision after a particular event / observing how it was handled by the bent-saplings: I could.. beat Self up for having not stayed in touch a tiny bit, re possibly 'helping' a couple of the younger ones?
(that word ought always be in quotes, we see).
But no regrets re the ones fully-formed in arrant knavery. That would have been the sort of unnecessary suffering which - - see 'Puritans', below ;-)

Overall, it seems - that while you don't want to drop the atom bomb on Luxembourg - I Divorce You | I Divorce You can be a more healthful and complete solution to certain pernicious family habits (and habitats) than pretending that

~ It Doesn't Matter that I can't Stand being around X - why, S/He's my ___ After all! cha cha cha

As to the internal stuff you suppressed-for-cause and had to overcome -
I can appreciate that it took a long time to work through the effects, and trust that you aren't beating Self up for ~ "hows come I'm so fucking slow-to-realize and Do something." Etc.

My guess is (often!) that examination of the owl-entrails through the warped-lens of, Yes, *#%&*^ Puritanism, again - gives a clue to many situations as fill the Social Work clinics in Murica. Compound this mindset with the Shrub-type adolescent-Stubborness about the idea that, "family === GOOD"
(and if you don't Think So, >You< be BAD.) What a combo!

But it's hard for most to wrench free from such conditioning (and our absurd ways of not-dealing with their effects). These myths are inculcated from the crib, with the same tenacity as the $God choice settled-on in that particular nursery.

Glad you've shed the major toxins to (what I suppose to be, by-any-other-name -- a constant, daily attack upon the immune system). And anyone who doesn't Believe that you can/do Make Yourself Sick -- I'd never even bother to 'argue' with. Nobody knows much of how that system Works, but we are constantly finding out what it means for overall Wellness (not just freedom from some AMA-defined 'disease' or syndrome or __ ) -- when it is fucked up.

I also know a family in the bi-polar niche; fortunately they are (by now) pretty sane about vetting punctiliously any 'medications', and in minutely examining the bases for any diagnoses, then running down all options they can sleuth; especially including a decent diet of fresh foods, 'live' if possible.

I've witnessed a few such results. ie Inescapable today, with anonymous technician-specialist-MDs on a time clock - one must become one's Own Doctor / decision maker. For oneself or for a semi-dependent.
[Gawd, have I grown to despise the way nurses say robotically, "Doctor -not, 'the doctor'- Will See You Now". And, "you'll need some medications." - But I digress'.]

I've read (painfully) the best overall book my friend found as a decent intro to the depression/bi-polar/'Borderline-Personality-Disorder' milieu. Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason, M.S. and Randi Kreger. If you don't know this one - might be worth a perusal at bookstore; it is at least not insulting to intelligence and they are careful about qualifying all those what-ifs? as many other writers (seem to) take to be: er "settled law".

That there are techno-sounding words for "these conditions" - does not mean that much at all is actually Understood -- it seems though, that there is now at least a skeleton around which to hang one's own personal experience. I gather that this is a pretty recent stage.
(I don't much care to learn a lot about.. x years ago / not with all the other crap coming home to Roost.)

The nuclear-grade drugs really are last-resort, yet sometimes, at our present level of ignorance - necessary. Dosages are entirely a matter of clever trials of precise dosages On That Person! and waiting patiently, watching; No! Seeing with full Attention.. and if more than one drug is employed: there are lots of possible weirdnesses in a particular person's metabolism, genes and Cthulhu Knows what else.
(And when you combine above with advanced aging ...)

(Book may also piss you off, if you recognize in 20/20, any of the errors described.. in previous of your efforts.) Them's the breaks. Remember - a few years back - this was really a jargon-driven / not (adequate) research-results-driven pseudo-science. It still is - as regards a dearth of trustworthy info re interactions amidst the several popular meds. {sigh} No Money in That! WTF would fund something which can't result in a sale of Something, pretty soon?


Hang in there - you're better off than many; you have a functioning mind!
(I once spent an afternoon in a white coat, with a psych-tech friend at a er, 'facility'. Without the coat .. well, some of the techs would have a hard time exiting, too. It's a Circus - get the cotton candy!)


Believe Nothing: test (!)

New Daylight
Fortunately, I am not smacking my forehead uttering,"I coulda had a V-8 ."

I remember trying to get help after I miscarried my first pregnancy. The year was 1985. I went to the doc and, in very plain English, told him, "I am depressed!" His response was to put me on an 1800 calorie diet supplemented by the drug, Fastin. Harumph! The worst part was that it was a D.O.! I expected a more holistic approach than "lose weight, sweetie". Needless to say, I did not take the pseudo-speed. And,I never went back to that quack.

It has been a long, arduous journey. The decisions I have made WRT keeping relationships at arm's length came with much introspection and anaylysis. Don't forget, I was a debater in high school and college. Having that "in my blood" has served me well. I don't believe in burning bridges to the ground, but now there are toll booths on a few. That seems to keep the traffic to a minimum.

Thank you for the book reference. The reason I reached wellness so quickly was due to my research and willingness to read as many appropriate materials as possible. I read Kay Jamieson's An Unquiet Mind, which showed me how lucky I am that I am BP II and not BP I. It shed great light on the fact that my father was undiagnosed BP I - which explained a lot of his behavior in retrospect.

As far as meds go, I am hesitant to change now that I feel the "mix" is correct. It takes a lot of trial and error to get the cocktail just right. However, I have just recently become aware of a natural alternative that I am curious about trying. Even though one of my mottos is "If it ain't broke, don't fix it.", I find myself in the predicament of having no prescription drug coverage. If there is a way to fend off this horrible affliction without an Rx, Hooray!

I must say that I have been fascinated with the study of brain chemistry and the impact of hormones on brain function. (Bionerd, if you have any comments, I welcome them :-) )

So, in closing, Thank you, dear Ashton, for your supportive words and intuitive observations. Knowing that there are people "in my corner" makes all the difference in the world. It shows me that, in spite of the darkness, a new day is just on the horizon. Bless you.

Peace,
Amy

"Losing your mind is like losing your keys. You have to retrace your steps to find out where you left them. But the bonus is that you usually find loose change in the cushions." ABR '05 :-D
Expand Edited by imqwerky Sept. 1, 2005, 09:04:08 AM EDT
New Wow, I feel priviliged
My own mother-in-law showed up a week after her grandkids were born, gave us some cash and asked if that would be enough. I haven't seen her since.

------

179. I will not outsource core functions.
--
[link|http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/misc/overlord2.htm|.]

New Regret not seeing;to tell her no,it wasn't enough after all?
     Jekyl and Hyde - (warmachine) - (31)
         ICLRPD (new thread) - (Steve Lowe)
         Perhaps there is a good Amy and a bad Amy? -NT - (ben_tilly) - (1)
             Shhhhh! - (imqwerky)
         (In the world of Duality - can't have one without t'other.) -NT - (Ashton)
         If you must know... - (imqwerky) - (26)
             Ok that Cuts It - (Ashton) - (1)
                 First, the spanking. And then... - (imqwerky)
             I know that one. Gawd, how I know that one. - (Silverlock) - (23)
                 the mom from hades - (boxley)
                 Let's all sing the "Bitch Song" from South Park! - (imqwerky) - (21)
                     I would immediately give her a number I made up on the spot - (boxley) - (9)
                         ! Get to work on that book, will you! :-) -NT - (Another Scott)
                         Story swapping - (imqwerky) - (5)
                             You've done well. Hang in there. -NT - (Another Scott) - (2)
                                 (((((((Scott)))))))) - (imqwerky) - (1)
                                     :-) -NT - (Another Scott)
                             Rageaholics. - (Ashton) - (1)
                                 Daylight - (imqwerky)
                         Wow, I feel priviliged - (Arkadiy) - (1)
                             Regret not seeing;to tell her no,it wasn't enough after all? -NT - (CRConrad)
                     Does she have tentacles? - (Silverlock) - (10)
                         And that's the bottom line - (Nightowl) - (3)
                             She is toxic to me. - (imqwerky) - (2)
                                 I'm not saying she isn't. - (Nightowl) - (1)
                                     I beg to differ... -NT - (Arkadiy)
                         That doesn't hold for me - (ben_tilly)
                         She hides them well. :-/ -NT - (imqwerky)
                         For some reason, I read that as TESTICLES - (Steve Lowe) - (3)
                             You're gay. :-D -NT - (imqwerky) - (2)
                                 Dang. My wife will be disappointed. -NT - (Steve Lowe) - (1)
                                     ROTFL :-D -NT - (imqwerky)

With one hand tied behind my back.
89 ms