Post #220,533
8/22/05 10:23:27 PM
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outing the owlet
By the time he escalated to pushing me out of a moving car (fortunately, not moving that fast), I knew I needed out. You knew you needed out; he graciously provided the needed impetus. What's your problem? (Oh, to have been an avian mite in the headliner of that moving car! Innocent myself of rough conduct toward women, I have been sufficiently exasperated with the Nightowl in this low-bandwidth medium that it would not surprise me if the abusing male in this account wasn't someone who would make Alan Alda look like Stanley Kowalski, finally goaded to ejecting the chattering Brenda at 5 mph. But maybe that's just me.) revving the engine, Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist.
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Post #220,535
8/22/05 10:35:21 PM
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Re: outing the owlet
By the time he escalated to pushing me out of a moving car (fortunately, not moving that fast), I knew I needed out. You knew you needed out; he graciously provided the needed impetus. What's your problem?
(Oh, to have been an avian mite in the headliner of that moving car! Innocent myself of rough conduct toward women, I have been sufficiently exasperated with the Nightowl in this low-bandwidth medium that it would not surprise me if the abusing male in this account wasn't someone who would make Alan Alda look like Stanley Kowalski, finally goaded to ejecting the chattering Brenda at 5 mph. But maybe that's just me.) Fraid not, as in, I wasn't chattering He just got mad because we were going to the grocery store and he had forgotten the coupons he had laid on the table. I told him we could just go back and get them, he was angry and said no, it was my fault. I had had nothing to do with these coupons, he had gathered them in a pile and left them behind. I thought he had them. I told him I wasn't responsible for his forgetting things, and he flew into a rage, turned the car around, and drove back to the apartment... I thought, to get the coupons. Instead, he circled the parking lot, reached over me and unlatched the door and shoved me out. I think we were going around 10 miles an hour, I fell out,scraping myself up as he drove off. This is the same abuser who was of the kind to do such things as holding my parakeet in his cage out the balcony window and threatening to drop him; stomping my $100.00 radio quality headphones to bits on the floor in a rage; yelling at me and throwing my stuff around because I hadn't gotten the mail in before he got home, and shoving me up against the wall angrily. The last was shortly before the car incident which made me realize he was only going to get worse. When he told me after that that he was breaking our engagement, I told him I was moving out, and my mom came over there to enforce that, and he fought with my mom, hitting her about the head with file folders and screaming. We called 911 and he was removed. He wanted me to stay there, keep house and run things while he ran around with other women... he even said he cheated on me. I didn't care, I wasn't staying there anymore, and couldn't believe he expected me to. I said I would cover my end of the rent till Nov, but I was leaving the apt. That was in April. Nope, no one deserved to be treated like that, and even I realized it. But I spent 7 years with him first, it took that long to truly see the situation for what it was and get out. Even after we were broken up and he was moved out, he attempted to run me down with his car at the local bank, and often has told friends he will shoot me if he sees me. I did nothing to deserve such violence. Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #220,541
8/22/05 11:05:08 PM
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All this still doesn't answer my original queston.
Why are woman so attracted to these animals? I'm sure they hunt their prey, but why are they so successful? Surely there are plenty of warning signs. Meanwhile there are plenty of reasonably nice guys who have a hard time getting a date so why do women chose these? Is it their aggressivenes?
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #220,543
8/22/05 11:16:39 PM
8/22/05 11:19:47 PM
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Trying to explain it...
Why are woman so attracted to these animals? I'm sure they hunt their prey, but why are they so successful? Surely there are plenty of warning signs. Meanwhile there are plenty of reasonably nice guys who have a hard time getting a date so why do women chose these? Is it their aggressivenes? In my case, he charmed me with who he could be, and showed me a completely different side of himself. I never would have figured him for an abusive cheating type. But, as time went on, and he was living with my parents because his parents threw him out, I was seeing more and more that he had a dangerous side. Edit: I was naive at the time, and thought that the volatile combination us living with my parents was the problem. I believed it would clear up when we got away from my parent's house which was dysfunctional in nature, to say the least. Yes, there were signs, I simply failed to see them for a long time, due to my desperateness to get away from my parents, (our double income allowed us to get an apartment), and due to my belief it was all my fault. I was causing him to be angry. I was causing him to do this or that. If I had brought in the mail, he wouldn't have thrown my stuff. By the time I realized I was rationalizing completely insane behavior, I felt trapped. To this day I regret having stayed so long, but I just wouldn't see him for what he was. So why are we attracted to them? I think they target us, and yes, maybe they do it aggressively, not in an angry aggressive way though, more like a pushy,overbearing way. I think they see that we're low self-esteem human beings, and that we are ripe to be exploited, and zero in on us. I know the one who sexually abused me before this one, did that. He as much as admitted to me that he chose people who were so beaten down with their self-worth that they would settle for anyone. Then he charmed me like the ex-fiance, and then he sexually abused me. They are clever, they are slick. You wouldn't know them as an abuser on the street, they don't fit a profile in public life. But inside, they are. And by the time you find it out, sometimes it's too late. Does that help answer your question? If not, please be more specific and I'll try and respond. Brenda Edit: P.S. If it helps, both of my abusers moved on to new people within weeks. The sexual abuser moved on to my best friend, despite my trying to warn her, and the ex-fiance moved on by marrying the woman he cheated on me with... then later cheated on her with his best friend's wife, and then they both got divorces and he is now WITH his best friend's ex-wife. SO that should also help explain that I was not the reason he left me or treated me bad... it was simply his nature.
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
Edited by Nightowl
Aug. 22, 2005, 11:19:03 PM EDT
Edited by Nightowl
Aug. 22, 2005, 11:19:47 PM EDT
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Post #220,544
8/22/05 11:27:39 PM
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Some possible reasons.
[link|http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=7673539&dopt=Citation|Here]: Physically abused women seeking treatment for marital difficulties (abused women, n = 49) were compared with maritally discordant, nonabused women (discordant only, n = 23) and maritally satisfied nonabused women (community control, n = 25). Abused women reported significantly more fear of their spouses and reported that their spouses were significantly more coercive and psychologically aggressive than women in the 2 matched nonabused groups. Abused women did not report higher rates of abuse as a child, nor did they report higher rates of past psychopathology than women in the nonabused groups. However, abused women and nonabused discordant women reported higher rates of emotional abuse in childhood than maritally satisfied nonabused women. Furthermore, both clinical groups had a tendency to have higher lifetime rates of major depression before their current marriage than the maritally satisfied women. This result suggests that childhood abuse and a history of depression may be risk factors for women in abusive and nonabusive discordant relationships. As expected, abused women reported higher rates of posttraumatic stress disorder than women in the discordant-only and community control groups. Treatment implications for both standard treatments for marital problems and treatments for victims of physical abuse are discussed. (Emphasis added.) A famous [link|http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060539097/104-1554073-2175954?v=glance|autobiography] has a little to say about it too. People are creatures of habits formed when they're young. Change is very difficult. FWIW. Cheers, Scott.
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Post #220,545
8/22/05 11:28:33 PM
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MO overlooked
These predatory males know what to look for in a woman. They come on with the slickness of a used car salesman, build up trust, then go for the jugular. The women I've known in abusive relationships have no clue what a healthy one looks like. When the realization finally kicks in that he's a monster, then there is the guilt trippy, "It's my fault. I made him mad. I chose him. Love will conquer all." It's not until a few bones get broken or teeth knocked out that finally intervention occurs. And even then, they (the women I've known) found it difficult to leave. As I said before, it is brainwashing to the max and it takes time to undo the damage.
I feel for you, Andrew. I have a friend who recently divorced (2 years now). He is so disgusted with the dating scene. On the net, all the women want someone who pulls down 135K and will worship their children. Riiiiight. My friend just wants a nice woman with whom he can share his life.
The decent women are out there, but they aren't online or at bars or any of the other singles hang-outs. They are buying groceries, taking care of their kids, going to work in the morning, coming home exhausted in the evening and wishing they could meet a nice guy on the weekend when the kids are at Dad's.
If only there were a way for the twain to meet. Guess that is what praying is for. (weak smile)
Peace,friend.
Amy
" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd
Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
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Post #220,560
8/23/05 12:05:08 AM
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hookers! $50 a pop <400 a month like BK get it yer way
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #220,567
8/23/05 12:46:05 AM
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That's only if sex is what you're after.
I can get plenty of sex for free, so long as I don't ever imply that dirty word "commitment". Unfortunately, that just isn't what I'm looking for.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #220,565
8/23/05 12:41:07 AM
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Well, at my age their kids are mostly moved out.
I've been watching an on-line dating site for, well, actually, a couple years. I see the same women active there month after month after month, so obviously they aren't getting what they want - and what they want is TRAVEL. That's what they all want and apparently what they're not getting.
There's little of interest there for me anyway because most have Beverly Hills, Venice or Santa Monica addresses. Now I'm not poor, but I like to live simply and keep my life pretty close to home, which I enjoy. Those addresses are simply not simple living addresses.
So yeah, even after the kids are gone women suitable for an honest guy aren't on-line. I really haven't figured out where they are, and anyone to whom I've mentioned the subject has said, "Oh there are plenty of them out there, you just have to find them", translation: they haven't a clue either.
Importing has crossed my mind, but I just don't find a Russian accent appealing in a woman and I prefer real American women anyway, if only I ever met any that weren't married.
So they're all in hiding somewhere huddled under bare light bulbs lamenting that they can't find a decent man. You're right, the twain shall never meet.
So for right now I've been turning up the intensity on the one I really want, even though I've been at it off and on for more than 15 years, but I seem to be getting some response now. We'll see how this week's 8 page hand scripted love letter works, though she hasn't mentioned any of the other 30 or so (mostly 2 pages) they have had some effect - we'll see.
Of course all the experts tell me I've made the worst of all possible mistakes. They all say the way to a woman's heart is to treat her like dirt and make sure she knows you have plenty of other women who want you pretty bad. That seems to work real well (all the women who expressed an intense desire for me were ones I treated that way), but I already blew that years ago in this case so it's a pretty hard row to hoe now.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #220,602
8/23/05 11:19:47 AM
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You know what, Andrew
If you really want to understand, go check out a few books on domestic violence and codependency.
Melody Beattie has some great books:
[link|http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-1669226-8091967|http://www.amazon.co...4-1669226-8091967]
It sounds to me like you're projecting your failures with women onto womenhood as a whole. Maybe you need to take a look at why you're attacting these kinds of women in the first place. Dont blame all of us for your failed relationships. You played a part in those failures, ya know.
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Post #220,613
8/23/05 12:09:55 PM
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Well, there's a problem with that . .
I'd have to read a bunch of such books and try to sort the quacks from the non-quacks from the sorta-quacks. That's your field, not mine.
There's nothing worse than a "one book expert". In fact almost all the "off the deep end" ecology / political / economic / psychology nuts I've met were "one book experts" and I don't care to join their ranks, but I don't have time to study the field in depth.
Your emphasizing my "failed relationships" is off base. I don't consider any of my relationships to be failed. Sure, some have been short, and some have had tempestuous spots, but the women I've shared my bed with are my family and I appreciate them all. I have always delighted in my women and do not resent their coming and going or that they are their own persons.
It's true I haven't had a long term committed relationship in the marriage mold (though I've had weekend relationships that lasted way longer than a lot of marriages). Throughout my adult life I've been isolated from wherever the women are (industrial environments, etc.) so the opportunities to find true long term compatibility have been limited.
Given circumstances I haven't done at all badly (at least not since I had the sense to grow a beard), but I wonder at all the women I see and hear about hooked up with real jerks. Do they really prefer jerks as it seems or is it just that the jerks are there first and blocking them from everyone else? Curious.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #220,616
8/23/05 12:41:23 PM
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All you are hearing are the squeaky wheels.
I am a debater (no crude jokes, I've heard/told them all.)
As a debater, one is trained to investigate both sides of an issue. During the investigation, sources must be determined valid or not valid, biased or not biased; you get the gist.
Judging people on a narrow,albeit vocal,sample is still flawed judgement. The problem with good men/good women hooking up is that our society teaches us all the wrong ways to meet people.
"Hey Baby, what's your sign?"
The truly great way to meet your soulmate is to forget about meeting your soulmate. Go out and be who you are. Stop trying to catch the butterfly and before you know it, it will land in the palm of your hand.
Ask.me.how.I.know :-)
I thought love would never find me. So I quit looking and got involved in something that enriched my existence. Next thing you know, I'm Mrs. Critter.
(hope i'm not embarassing you, sweetie. But our union is a good example of how people meet in a context of mutual interest, then a friendship develops, then progresses to the next level(s).)
There are more people who are "normal" than you know. You just don't hear from them because all the wackos are making all the noise. Put your filter on and go forth, mighty one. It will radically change your life.
Peace, dear one.
Amy
btw, reading is a good way to understand. The best book I ever read is 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It talks about character-based values versus personality based values. When you realize who/ what you stand for and live by your principles, there is an attractiveness all its own. The best part is: confident, well-rounded people attract same. And like I said, no longer are you the seeker, but the seeked.
FWIW,
a
" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd
Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
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Post #220,620
8/23/05 12:56:01 PM
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Wow what a coincidence!
The truly great way to meet your soulmate is to forget about meeting your soulmate. Go out and be who you are. Stop trying to catch the butterfly and before you know it, it will land in the palm of your hand. Ask.me.how.I.know :-) I thought love would never find me. So I quit looking and got involved in something that enriched my existence. Next thing you know, I'm Mrs. Critter. That's exactly how I wound up with John, he found me After my ex-fiance, I wanted nothing to do with guys, and made that really clear. He however, saw through all that to the real me, talked to me online first on a local BBS, then asked me to meet him at a BBS event. He's been with me ever since that day and eventually I was Mrs. JohnF. :) Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #221,548
8/30/05 1:15:04 AM
8/30/05 1:18:57 AM
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Well, it's all not quite that simple.
Go out and be who you are wouldn't work because what I are is mostly home oriented so I wouldn't be out much. Since subpoena servers are rarely women I wouldn't be seeing many (except the clearly married women speaking unidentifiable languages at the ethnic groceries I shop at).
Also, at my age, "it'll just happen" seems a lot less practical - there just ain't that much time left for "happening" to happen. You'll be starting to notice that in a few years. Besides, I'm a guy, and guys are the ones who're supposed to be keeping their eyes open, identifying the victims and taking all the risks. If it were left to women the race would have died out centuries ago.
Right now I'm not sure where I stand with (L) and won't have a hint for a few days yet, but in this week's letter I kinda told her off and I'm not sure how that'll go over. Partial text:
"I'm 'so sensitive' you say. (L), I've got the emotional metabolism of a water buffalo. Any normal (or sane) man would have thrown your butt out of here years ago for the kind of off-hand and insulting treatment I often get from you."
So, if I'm off hunting women that means considerable expense for a sharper car. When you meet a woman the first thing she wants to see is your car. If it doesn't pass muster it doesn't matter what you have to offer, you're through and aren't going to get to offer it.
You can tell me that's not true until you're blue in the face, but I've been there - and been there - and been there and there's no way you'll convince me (unless you know where those mythical "women who aren't like that" hang out). In fact that's how my last practice run ended. Saw car, didn't return calls any more (Lovely, intelligent Hispanic woman).
Cartoon: "Yup, instead of a dating service I bought a Porsche - a lot more expensive but the results are guaranteed".
So that's the deal, I'll have to figure out something I can convince myself I'm interested in that'll put me in contact with "fifty something" women, wherever the hell they hang out - and get a new car - and then "be myself".
Yup, piece 'o cake.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #221,562
8/30/05 8:16:20 AM
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While I don't know where women like that are to be found...
I found one who was willing to marry me even though I didn't own a car!
Over the years we've owned one off and on. More off than on. Right now we own 2 cars, and that feels weird to me.
Cheers,
Ben
I have come to believe that idealism without discipline is a quick road to disaster, while discipline without idealism is pointless. -- Aaron Ward (my brother)
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Post #221,570
8/30/05 9:16:27 AM
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You might have better luck away from SoCal...
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Post #221,574
8/30/05 9:32:23 AM
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hmmm glad I dont have that problem
well if you want a good looking hispanic woman a nice looking car is necsecidad since that is usually the only nice thing in their lives. Machismo is measured against all men not just their own. Dont know how you feel about korean ladies, a lot of the bar girls married americans and moved here to find out their man isnt and end up single in their late 40's. They dont need a nice car, they want a man who is. Female lawyers can be found near courthouses and are usually a good score. San Jose is the hot place for females according to a friend of mine who relo'd that way but is a far jaunt from so-cal. Sympathies my friend.
thanx,
bill
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #221,576
8/30/05 9:50:50 AM
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Couple of comments
I, too, am home-based, and the only men who show up at my front door are the mail man (who hates me because my dog tore through the screen to get at him. For the record, once she got her head through the screen she freaked out and just stood there. The mail man was not at risk in any way), and the FedEx guy. Granted, I'll get more exposure when I get a new job, but in a field dominated by women, I aint getting my hopes up.
My big night out is a trip to the grocery store, where I did get hit on once, by a man who was obviously mentally challenged. He followed me down several aisles asking me if I was married until I shook him. My mom takes the kids for an occassional evening, and I usually spend that evening decompressing on the couch with a merlot and a movie. I hang out with friends a lot, but all my friends are married with kids so we usually do family activities.
I can be who I am 24/7, but I dont have a lot of faith that "it'll just happen". And I was "who I am" when I met my ex husband and look where that got me. If being "who I am" attracts that kind of man, and if I'm too dumb not to be able to screen him out, then I'm better off alone.
As for the car thing, I've lived in the "motor city" my whole life and I could care less what kind of car a man drives. Seriously. I've never viewed cars as a status symbol and certainly would not judge a man by his car. But that's just me.
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Post #221,646
8/30/05 2:13:16 PM
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The old structures are all broken . . .
. . and new ones aren't in place, society's just been changing too fast. Those who most deserve each other are the least likely to find each other. Can't do anything about it, we just have to work around it - but we can bitch.
Hanging out with marrieds does not good. They may know people you ought to meet but they're just plain scared to suggest it. Won't happen.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #221,720
8/30/05 8:10:00 PM
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Something to consider also
I can be who I am 24/7, but I dont have a lot of faith that "it'll just happen". And I was "who I am" when I met my ex husband and look where that got me. If being "who I am" attracts that kind of man, and if I'm too dumb not to be able to screen him out, then I'm better off alone. ] If you truly take a look at yourself and see things about yourself that are destined to attract those kind of men, you can make efforts to change them. I am not commenting about you, because I don't know who and what you are, and wouldn't dare to assume. That's for you to assess, no one else. I'm simply saying that for years, I did attract "those kind of men" who were not good for me, (or anyone else), and my victim-syndrome personality, and behavior caused those attractions. I made efforts to change, and those kind of men vanished from the scene. Instead, I met John, and he is nothing like anyone from my past. Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #221,809
8/31/05 10:50:14 AM
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Re: Something to consider also
I was commenting more on the blindness of youth and my inability/stupidity/stubborness to see where the relationship with my ex would take me in 20 years. It's a pity we arent blessed with insight in our youth, nor have we had enough life experiences to develop any hindsight . Truth is, I attracted, pursued and dated some great men. I was seeing a very nice, educated, boyishly cocky guy while I was dating my ex. I chose the wrong guy. There's that hindsight thing again.
I'm not confident in my current ability to choose wisely. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say.
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Post #221,825
8/31/05 11:48:42 AM
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Re: Something to consider also
I was commenting more on the blindness of youth and my inability/stupidity/stubborness to see where the relationship with my ex would take me in 20 years. It's a pity we arent blessed with insight in our youth, nor have we had enough life experiences to develop any hindsight . Truth is, I attracted, pursued and dated some great men. I was seeing a very nice, educated, boyishly cocky guy while I was dating my ex. I chose the wrong guy. There's that hindsight thing again. I'm not confident in my current ability to choose wisely. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say. See, then you've already done what you need to do to make better choices. That's all it takes. And yes, hindsight teaches some really hard lessons. Good luck with both the job search and the soulmate search. :) Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #221,835
8/31/05 12:04:41 PM
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this point shes jus lookin for someone to floss her gnarlies
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #221,839
8/31/05 12:18:20 PM
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My gnarlies?!?
How quaint.
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Post #221,584
8/30/05 10:45:41 AM
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Strategizing
Wonders whether hanging about on the flame forum on iwethey is not a particularly productive strategy in meeting people. :-)
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Post #221,604
8/30/05 11:55:26 AM
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Not really a problem, 'cause I mainly post . . .
. . when I'm too tired to do anything else (often late at night) or while I'm stuck waiting for some stupid computer to finish something.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #221,591
8/30/05 10:57:32 AM
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What are your passions?
I still maintain that when one loses him/herself in an activity for the sole purpose of atruism,(i.e., volunteering for a non-profit), that is when one is most likely to 1) shine and 2)get picked up. My divorced friend goes through internet hookups like they are kleenex. I suggested that he volunteer at the local animal shelter, since he is a dog-lover. Not only would he be likely to meet other singles, but he is more likely to have the same values as those people. It's all about marketing to your target audience. Do you want to be a mass-mailing or a targeted ad to a specific focused group? If you view things in that perspective, then you have a good idea of how and where to start. As far as the car thing is concerned, as long as it looks nice on the outside (no primer or Bondo going on) and is clean on the inside, that is all that really matters. So, if I'm off hunting women that means considerable expense for a sharper car. Again, stop hunting! I agree that men bear the burden of courtship WRT to the asking, risking, etc. But I also feel that when you stop doing a behavior out of desperation, the outcome is usually what you were trying to achieve in the first place. I realize that you are in an age bracket that makes dating difficult, but I also know that there are the Red Hat Ladies who are in the age bracket you seek. Their primary goal is to have fun. Maybe if you checked out those types of groups, you would have better luck in the dating dept. I know a ton of widows who would die to have a companion. They want to go out to eat like they used to. They want to go dancing. My mom laments that she wishes she had a gay friend who would take her out dancing and help her decorate her house. I know she's not entirely joking. I also know she would love to have a more physical relationship with a man, but she won't admit it because she is still grieving my father's death (she feels that if she admitted something like that, then she is not being true to my father's memory. To which I say, "FSck that! He's dead, you're not. Life is for the living!") So I guess to sum it all up, you can't hide your light under a bushel basket. Add dimension to your life so that you are always coming in contact with people everyday. The more contact with the outside world, the more likely you are to meet someone special. It can't happen all at once, baby steps...baby steps. Peace, Big hugs and wishing you the best, Amy
" I tend to believe the great voices of peace throughout history {were} right, and this voice from this little hamlet here in Texas is absolutely wrong. The world is watching what you do here. It is important that you be calm, that you be peaceful, but you be firm. My grandmother {used to} say, \ufffdFight them \ufffdtil hell freezes over, and when hell freezes over, fight them on the ice.\ufffd
Dallas Reverend Peter Johnson, former staff member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
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Post #221,626
8/30/05 1:03:38 PM
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Yeah, the Internet's a bust.
The Wall Street Journal says it works pretty well for 30 somethings, but almost every woman in my age bracket lists the same imporatant requirement, "Likes to travel" (read "likes to travel and has the leisure time and money for it").
Well, I don't like to travel that much and don't have the leisure time either. The women aren't doing any better though. If I drop in 6 months later the very same faces will all still be at the top of the active list.
Only outside activity I've seen that looks like it might work is politics. I can't work up any enthusiasm for stuff I'm not really interested in - I'm just not the con man type. The stuff I am interested in isn't generally group activities.
As for cars, that's the way women in Los Angeles do their first cut. It's like human resources departments and degrees. By requiring a degree for a job that doesn't need it they can cut the number of people they have to talk to by 80%. Sure, it probably cuts out all the best candidates, but they have to do something, right?
On the other hand I've got a lot of emotional investment in (L), which needs to be resolved one way or t'other. She needs to drop the cold fish act or stop taking advantage of a relationship she denies and refuses to contribute to, or I need to take sharp action. Basically, she's been doing the minimum to string me along and maintain the staus quo - but the status quo is now busted and can't be fixed.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #221,634
8/30/05 1:36:33 PM
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sounds like time for those 3 words lovers use
fine swell bye
thanx,
bill
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #221,647
8/30/05 2:15:40 PM
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It's a lot more complicated than normal . . .
. . but it well may come down to that anyway, and soon.
[link|http://www.aaxnet.com|AAx]
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Post #221,662
8/30/05 3:19:59 PM
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WTF is "normal"?
===
Purveyor of Doc Hope's [link|http://DocHope.com|fresh-baked dog biscuits and pet treats].
[link|http://DocHope.com|http://DocHope.com]
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Post #221,718
8/30/05 8:04:40 PM
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Just a suggestion
You might try more "specific" internet. In other words, find a group or board that is locally based, and that meets together. They do exist, they just have to be hunted up.
I met my husband on a local BBS here, in St. Louis. It was a group that actually got together in person and met one another, etc. If you could find something like that in LA, that was locally based, you might have a better chance.
HTH
Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #221,729
8/30/05 8:53:04 PM
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you norm and john and I'll take your word about john
He would have better odds frequenting S&M gay bars.
thanx,
bill
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #221,747
8/30/05 10:49:08 PM
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Re: you norm and john and I'll take your word about john
He would have better odds frequenting S&M gay bars. Huh? What's Norman have to do with it? I'm missing something here. Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #221,789
8/31/05 8:02:39 AM
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They - both - were what you had on your local boards in St L
But yeah, that's nothing new.
[link|mailto:MyUserId@MyISP.CountryCode|Christian R. Conrad]
(I live in Finland, and my e-mail in-box is at the Saunalahti company.)
Your lies are of Microsoftian Scale and boring to boot. Your 'depression' may be the closest you ever come to recognizing truth: you have no 'inferiority complex', you are inferior - and something inside you recognizes this. - [link|http://z.iwethey.org/forums/render/content/show?contentid=71575|Ashton Brown]
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Post #221,827
8/31/05 11:50:41 AM
8/31/05 11:51:14 AM
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I see :)
Well, I didn't say every person on a local site was ok, hehehe.
I just meant if you had a local site to actually meet people in person from, you have a better chance of finding a good one among the assholes. :)
Thanks, CRC.
Brenda
Edit: changed bad to assholes per FQ.
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
Edited by Nightowl
Aug. 31, 2005, 11:51:14 AM EDT
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Post #220,562
8/23/05 12:10:03 AM
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hmm , I can understand the antipathy
when its done its done having once considered declaring myself gay, shooting an ex husband in the head, killing her whole family giving her 1K grams of acid and lke and torching a woman slowly with paperbook matches one match at a time is there any chance you were CLOYING!!!
regards,
dont assk john he will go humph.
thanx,
bill
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #220,557
8/23/05 12:01:58 AM
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but would he tie a black ribbon around her clit?
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #220,574
8/23/05 3:36:55 AM
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Rorschak would have paid a bonus for your ink blot readings
- he could have saved the expense of sampling the whole asylum.
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Post #220,584
8/23/05 8:34:07 AM
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that was a literary quip
Alan Alda starring in mash for years and the original book had the painless pole as a dentist whose penis was wrapped in a ribbon after being declared first prise. Although the streetcar named desire character was a pole he may or may not have been painless.
thanx,
bill
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #220,600
8/23/05 11:11:33 AM
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Ass
You big condescending, patronizing ass. I dont care if this is the flame forum. I dont care that Brenda's post doesnt belong in this forum. When someone discloses something that is so obviously raw and painful, you dont attempt to victimize her again by belitting her. She trusts you people. She's gone through a lot, she's overcome a lot, and if you're irritated by her posts, dont fucking read them. But dont you DARE suggest that she deserved to be abused. Shame on you.
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Post #220,638
8/23/05 4:01:49 PM
8/23/05 4:09:12 PM
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Bravo, Laura!
You big condescending, patronizing ass. I dont care if this is the flame forum. I dont care that Brenda's post doesnt belong in this forum. When someone discloses something that is so obviously raw and painful, you dont attempt to victimize her again by belitting her. She trusts you people. She's gone through a lot, she's overcome a lot, and if you're irritated by her posts, dont fucking read them. But dont you DARE suggest that she deserved to be abused. Shame on you. Thanks, Laura. I'm not sure why my post didn't belong, I was just trying to answer Andrew's question from a real-life point of view. And I know when I come in here, I am ripe to be attacked, but don't worry, no one, no where will ever convince me I deserved to be abused. I spent years in therapy learning that simply wasn't true. And I agree, Rcareaga can be a fucking ass at times, but I usually can handle it fine. :) Compared to CRC who is a flaming clawing tiger with his teeth showing, Rcareaga is a kitten with his back arched and his hair raised. ;) Brenda Edit: In hindsight, I realize I don't use enough "flame words" in here to make everyone happy, so maybe I could have branched the reply to Andrew to another forum. I'll consider that next time.
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
Edited by Nightowl
Aug. 23, 2005, 04:09:12 PM EDT
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Post #220,641
8/23/05 4:36:22 PM
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I don't use flame words.
Instead, I use pedantry and bloodymindedness. Useful technique for the hotter forums on the Internet. Believe me, there's less close mindedness and lunacy here than elsewhere.
Matthew Greet
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
- Mark Renton, Trainspotting.
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Post #220,640
8/23/05 4:27:32 PM
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Heh heh..heh heh
she said "ass".
Cool, Beavis
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over. Fudd's First Law of Opposition
[link|mailto:bepatient@aol.com|BePatient]
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Post #220,658
8/23/05 5:52:03 PM
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I think she didnt mean man this time
"the reason people don't buy conspiracy theories is that they think conspiracy means everyone is on the same program. Thats not how it works. Everybody has a different program. They just all want the same guy dead. Socrates was a gadfly, but I bet he took time out to screw somebodies wife" Gus Vitelli
Any opinions expressed by me are mine alone, posted from my home computer, on my own time as a free american and do not reflect the opinions of any person or company that I have had professional relations with in the past 49 years. meep
questions, help? [link|mailto:pappas@catholic.org|email pappas at catholic.org]
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Post #220,642
8/23/05 4:37:06 PM
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Piss off, he replied mildly
Yes, it is the flame forum. We do things differently here. And if Brenda trusts me, she's even dumber than I think.
cordially,
Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist.
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Post #220,643
8/23/05 4:41:02 PM
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Nah....
And if Brenda trusts me, she's even dumber than I think. Only to a point, R, only to a point. :) Brenda
"Excel is to math what a Microwave Oven is to cooking!"
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Post #220,650
8/23/05 5:23:35 PM
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Your signature (new thread)
Created as new thread #220649 titled [link|/forums/render/content/show?contentid=220649|Your signature]
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" --Mark Twain
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." --Albert Einstein
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses." --George W. Bush
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