I would assume that "ones sympathies and actions are beyond futile" would mean that nothing I do can affect the situation anymore, is that correct?In more scientific terms: You're damned if do, and damned if you don't.
But I'm a little lost on the last part. I always thought the object of one's affections was someone someone loved, so how does it get used in this sentence? Do you mean that the "object" of the betrayer is to "use" (squander) or otherwise manipulate the person feeling betrayed?Betrayal implies a sort of malice. In the current context, I'd consider the person betrayed cared at some point (Love is too loaded a word) and that a gift of dedication, time or resources was provided. The feeling of betrayal comes into play when one thinks that the gift is intentionally squandered (i.e. malice is involved). Manipulation can be a common facet of how that scenario plays out (but is only one of many possibilities). In order to feel betrayed, there must have been an investment (real or imagined) made at one time or another.
That's my problem, that's almost where I am.Well then, the immediate problem is not the dysfunctional behavior, but rather it dwells within your conscience. Dealing with the problem from that perspective is a bit more rational, as your course of action is perhaps the one thing you have control over.
I rarely abandon friends, it takes a lot to push me away, but sometimes you have to abandon someone (have done so in the past) when they are truly causing you more harm than good by your association with them. That is what I'm trying to weigh here... whether it's worth it to keep up the struggle.If you love it, set it free. If it comes back, then it's open hunting season. :-)
Just to play out another scenario, I'd also like to remind that depending on the person making the decision, it can play out differently on a temporal basis. Let's say one had a sister-in-law that was married to a worthless piece of shit, that hadn't held a job for more than a couple of months time over a 20 year period of time. Worthless individual has no inkling of ambition or responsibility, not even being able to act as a child care provider, wasting away drinking beer, doing drugs, and watching the zombie tube.
Let's say said person takes a bat and beats the spouse black and blue on the face. Well, most rational people would permanently remove themself from said abuse, and sister-in-law moved five states away and vowed to never have anything to do with said individual again. Well, it was easy to guess what happened within 6 months time - they were back together. Move forward in time. Said individual leaves crystal meth and needles lying on the dinning room table, with toddlers of 2 and 3 running around the house. Again, he gets the final boot. Within a week, he shows up with a broken jaw, as some drug deal had gone bad, and he had the ever living shit beat out of him. She takes him back and nurtures him to health.
Wind forward to more recent. Said individual is high as a kite on the 3 year olds birthday, and threatens mother and family with a knife. Kids go nuts and hide in the closet while mom calls the police to escort worthless dad away for 3 months at county. Mother vows to never, ever, ever allow him anywhere near the vicinity. We recommend a restraining order - siggestion goes unheeded.
Roll forward to today. He's back. I fucking can't believe such stupidity.
What's the moral of this story. I don't know other than final ultimatims are only as final as the person giving the ultimatum. And given where we're at, at the current time, they were worthless and probably contributed in a cause-effect way over the long term. Anyhow, just as you have to view help from a long-term perspective, the decision to not help should also be made over a long haul, not waffling back and forth.
* Ok, enuf of this personal advice. Anyone that takes my advice should probably have their fucking head examined (well, we do have to try to feign staying on topic in this quarantine). And anyone that's just rolling their eyes, hoping to be spared this thread - well - I love you too. :-)