The feeling of betrayal is based upon expectations. If one feels that one's sympathies and actions are beyond futile, that's one thing. But the feeling that the object of one's affections is purposely being squandered, then that's where betrayal enters the picture.
I'm a little confused on the above sentence, can you help me clarify it?
I would assume that "ones sympathies and actions are beyond futile" would mean that nothing I do can affect the situation anymore, is that correct?
But I'm a little lost on the last part. I always thought the object of one's affections was someone someone loved, so how does it get used in this sentence? Do you mean that the "object" of the betrayer is to "use" (squander) or otherwise manipulate the person feeling betrayed?
Please clarify that one sentence? I really want to understand what you said here.
When it's not family, this can be rather difficult, as you clearly wonder whether this shit is really worth it.
That's my problem, that's almost where I am.
Second question: And when is it okay to stop making the effort to help or be a friend? Is it ever an acceptable choice if one decides to give up on the "cause" as it were, because they are frustrated and out of answers?I suppose you could go with the touchy feely crap, and hold that a friend always accepts the befriended, for better or worse. Problem is that few friendships can take the natural strain. Best you can do is channel towards the positive, but realize that you're not a savior. Also have to realize that sometimes interspersing yourself into the situation with helpful hints can actually excerbate the problem. Would never abandon a family member, but neither do I think that I have the answer to making the person instantly turnaround with a positive outlook on life.
I rarely abandon friends, it takes a lot to push me away, but sometimes you have to abandon someone (have done so in the past) when they are truly causing you more harm than good by your association with them. That is what I'm trying to weigh here... whether it's worth it to keep up the struggle.
And I also do not believe I have any answers to their problems, I just try to be by their side, or behind them, (in many cases, not just the current one), and help as much as I can if it's feasible to continue to do. I just don't know when you decide it is no longer feasible. I guess that's just a gut feeling.
Much like the hippocratic oath, the first answer to any such question is: Don't do anything that can cause the problem to be worse. You have to measure your response and realize that in both the manic and depressive states, we are not necessarily dealing with rational and coherent behavior. Doesn't mean that you abanadon the effort, but it does mean that you have to measure your response such that it doesn't worsen the plight.
That's the other problem. If I do what I feel I might need to do to take care of me, then sometimes it winds up "persecuting" the person in question. That only serves to enforce their persecuted complex or what have you.... so it's a hard call, take care of you, or worry about how it will affect the other person. (sigh)
Perseverance is definitely the more compassionate approach, but you also have to worry about becoming part of the problem rather than the solution - either a crutch or part of a persecution complex. If proceeding, then you damn well better have the patience to last it out. Otherwise, you just become another casualty on the road.
That's the other problem. I don't always KNOW if I'm part of the problem, which is sometimes why I decide maybe I should step back from it. And I have to be honest, I'm almost out of patience. (sigh)
At any rate, you've given me a lot to think about, and I really do appreciate your response to my questions. I think I just have to decide for myself which course to take... just wish it wasn't such a hard decision.
Thanks Chris, you helped more than you know.
Nightowl >8#